Behind the screen / H.HJ Centric (HIATUS)

tired

Tired . A word that as many do can mean a lot of things , though it's not the word that has so many different meanings . It's the way you mean it that can be so differently . The way I'm so tired can have polar opposite effects . I'm so tired , they said after going to bed a few hours late. Their eyes heavy dark bags under them . I'm so tired , they said after another night where they fought against their own depression , after another night of fighting to stay alive ... to keep breathing . Their eyes empty their face pale . ,Get some rest' you would tell them both . Get rest or go to sleep or get rest and take care of yourselves . I'm tired ... tired of life , tired from not sleeping . You're tired yet one of those feelings won't go away after a few hours of sleep . One of those feelings was so powerful , that it could murder you , make you murder yourself . We're tired . We're all tired in one way or the other . I wish tired only had one meaning . I wish the feeling of being tired would only exist from not sleeping , because the feeling of being tired of life , it's terrifying , it's trapping , can be cured with a bit of sleep . Being tired should be such an easy thing , but it's not . So they sit there misunderstood once again , told to just go to sleep . But what if you want to sleep forever ... disappear ? Just to fill this void of constant tiredness. I don't want to be tired of life anymore .'

Hyunjin closed the book and placed it beside him . His back against the headboard of his bed , shivering from the coldness . Why wouldn't he just close the windows ? It's a simple question .
He's too tired . He's too dizzy . He's too sick . Sick of his mind telling him to shut his eyes . Sick of his mind telling him it's not worth it anymore , but isn't this just the beginning ? The beginning of going down ... drowning . Drowning in bad thoughts . Drowning in a lake of despair .

Hyunjin shut his eyes together , taking a deep breath of the fresh midnight air .

——

,,Hyunjin wake uupp!" The boy's tired eyes slowly opened , looking confused around until he spotted an Jeongin standing right beside his bed , looking exited . ,,what time is it ?" Hyunjin pulled himself into a sitting position and rubbed his eyes . ,, 7am !" Jeongin clapped what made Hyunjin jump slightly .
,,and why would you wake me up at that time ?" ,, you really must be tired . We have shooting in 30mins silly ." Hyuns eyes shut open , the feeling of sleepiness disappearing like nothing . ,,Oh god." Jeongin walked out of the room without saying anything , shutting the door behind him , leaving unsureness on Hyunjins mind .

,,what should I wear...?" The boy stood infront of his closet , not know what to wear for this single shoot .
At the end Hyunjin chose a pair of blue Mom jeans with holes , a plain white t-Shirt and a light brown crochet jacket . He put his hair behind his ears and made his way downstairs .

,,here he comesss." Seungmin announced while still looking at his phone . Hyunjin nodded and slipped inside his white shoes . ,,Hyuneeeee stop wearing my chlorest , they may get stretched out!" Felix complained laughing while taking a peace of the shirt fabric between his tiny fingers .

*stretched out?*

,,I-i.... I will go change , give me a second." Hyunjin was about to leave the room , but a hand grabbed his wrist tightly which made Hyunjin flinch due the pain . It felt like an electroshock on his whole body .

,,no wait I was just joking haha." Felixs unsure laugh made it clear he didn't mean it like that . But still . Hyunjin saw it the way he wanted it .

————-
,,get into the damn van Han !" bangchan commanded while pounding wildly . The air was filled with laugh and Hans singing voice while he stood in front of the Van doors , not letting anyone inside .

Finally the boy sat into the car and took out his EarPods , the same as Hyunjin .

Bangchan , lee know and Han sat behind the driver , Felix , Changbin and Seungmin sat behind them and behind them sat Seungmin and Hyunjin . (A/N: lots of behinds HAHA)

Hyunjin looked outside the window , head bobbing a bit because of the music and eyes half shut . Hyunjin one time fell alseep and his head fell forward , causing him to shot up awake . Seungmin looked at him questioning a few things before continuing texting on bubble .

After a few minutes , the Van finally stopped and everyone got out . Hyunjin shivered at the coldness and rubbed his upper arms . ,,Are you fr cold Hyunjin?" Lee know asked the boy who nodded . ,,It's like warm right now." Hyunjin shook his head before entering the building .

----

,,Hyunjin , you wear that please ." The woman handed Hyunjin a outfit before heading to her workplace . Jin walked inside a cabin ... not his favorite but anyways , and changed his outfit . He to be honest felt surprisingly really comfortable in the outfit . It was a blue turtle neck and black mom jeans .

(this but with long brown hair):

Hyunjin stepped outside the cabin and made his way to the stylist . ,,sit here." He nodded and sat onto the black chair , looking at himself in the mirror in front of him .

*Disgusting .*

,,tsk.'' Hyunjin rolled his eyes and continued focusing on the stylist .

,,Finished ." Hyunjin looked absolutely gorgeous . I mean at least that's what other think , excluding Hyunjin . He sighted and bowed in front of the stylist , thanking her . His hair was naturally behind one ear and his make up light . His lips look as soft as pillows and has a pretty pink shade . His stylist tried to cover the mole under his eye but it was still visible in some way .

,,Hyunjin it's your turn !" The photographer shouted . I think his name was Ji Ji hoon . I walked onto the white platform and stood there , waiting for someone to tell me what to do .