Behind the screen / H.HJ Centric (HIATUS)

Don't worry , Hyunjin.

"what the fuck Hyunjin!" A cold shower ran down by back as I looked at the dispatch report , all eyes on me . Sweat started to form on my forehead and hands , nervousness and panic taking place in my body. 

I dont know how to react ... they shouldn't know about this! 

,,I-I..." I stuttered , standing up straight as everyone frowned except for bangchan that looked calm as always . Again the question 'am I such a failure?' started to fill my mindset , making my chest rise and sink heavily . ,,You-you , you what? How long have you been hiding this from us?" Changbin folded his arms in front of his chest , looking straight into my eyes . 

What should I say ? Should I just go and let them be curious and disappointed '? No this would make everything worse. 

'You are such a dumbass you pig'

'You can't do anything right in your life , go dig yourself a grave after this situation so you dont disappoint anyone anymore.'

A tinnitus covered everything around me , ringing so loud in my head I became painful headaches . 

,,P-please dont be a-angry I am s-sorry." I could beat myself up for the stuttering , once again showing how weak I am . Not for one second they took their eyes off of me , starring holes into me . I scratched my wrist , the pain may calming me down but no . Nothing in his situation could help me from not having a panic attack . The anxiety was too much for me , as I eventually became nauseous . 

My face went pale , cold sweat running down the side of my face and back . I gulped , not able to look at everyone at the same time. 

,,Hyunjin , just answer us. We never said we were angry , just disappointed that you never open up to us." Felix said calmly , holding me back from having a panic attack right in front of them. The tears were threatening to fall down , but I held them back, taking deep breaths . 

,,How about we talk about this another time okay? Let this poor boy calm down will you!" Bangchan started to raise his voice at the end , getting enough from the intense staring and the way the others are obviously make Hyunjin uncomfortable . 

The heads turned towards chan , now soft but also unsure . Numerous of 'sorry' and 'yes..' filled the room as everyone left , some stayed on the couch tho . 

Chan walked up to me , caressing my forearm softly while looking at me with the same worried eyes as yesterday . Oh those eyes... 

,, Will you come with me for a second?" His voice was so soft and calm it would've made me cry right here , but no . I need to act tuff . I nodded , slowly following him into the kitchen where we ended up sitting beside each other with a silence between us . 

The silence gave me anxiety .. what if he's gonna scold me? or what if he makes me talk to our manager ?

,,If you are not comfortable , dont answer but what I wanna know is how long you have been smoking Hyun , a simple question." He smiled softly , placing a hand on my thigh . It distracted me for a second , I wanted to back away but it was so relaxing and comforting at the moment . 

,,Uhm I started about half a year ago ? maybe even longer ? I dont really know anymore but I just know that I am sorry for making our group have a bad I-image because of this." Bangchan nodded , looking at me like the most understandable and caring person . It made me want to say more , maybe even tell him everything that happened but I cant fall for this trick ... Ive already said too much . 

,,Well , It was kind of shocking but I understand you . I smoked when I was a teenager but quitted because I learned there were many other ways to calm yourself down from all the stress and feelings . And if you worry about talking with our manager , dont because I will solve this . You are fully grown and people should not disrespect or other because of something that is completely normal at your age , okay? ." His warm smile at the end made me blush , not able to look into his pretty face. 

I nodded , laying my hand slowly on his which was still placed on my thigh . He turned his hand and interlocked our fingers , softly caressing the back of my hand . 

,,Now , wanna watch a movie together ?" It made me look up in surprise . I was shocked because of the sudden mood change but nodded at the end . Watching a movie without worries actually sounds very good , it sounds trusting . 

Chan stood up , both walking into the living room and taking a place on the couch . He pulled a blanket over our bodies and slowly wrapped his arms around my body . My heart was racing in a rapid pace and my cheeks burned . 

I leaned my head on his chest , laying my legs over his lap after a while . 

A smile formed on my lips as the room was filled with the soft music from ratatouille and the soft giggles from the other boy when a funny part came up . I couldn't hold myself back and a small giggle left my lips , eyes forming into a loving way . 

I felt his eyes starring from above as he started patting my hair , the other hand slowly caressing my leg like he did earlier . It felt like home , all my worries leaving my mind for a second . 

I learned that I can finally open up to someone , that someone is Bangchan . He makes me feel so warm and comfortable . The way he talks to me so lovingly and like I was about to break made me take a deep breath everytime , small smile forming on my lips . 

I've had a good relationship with him before , but this situation made us even closer . I was shy to touch him before but now I dont need to worry anymore . Every time I need a hug , I can hug him while he whispers sweet nothings into my ear , comforting me . I dont know how but he always knows when something is up  , as If he knew me better than I do myself . 

If home could be a person , Chan would be my home . He's not just a member to me anymore , he's much more but what he is , I dont know yet. 

All I know is that I can trust him . 

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Bangchan POV:

I looked at the boy from above , my hand automatically doing what it wants . It makes me happy seeing him like this , finally relaxed and happy . I try everything to protect him , even if I would need to kill , he will always be protected by me. 

He shouldn't worry about small things or big things , I want to take care of it immediately . If he's not happy with his body , I will make him love it like nothing else . I will make all the worries and thoughts disappear . 

Even tho this is only the start , I will be able to make it end as soon as possible . 

All of that just because I cant watch him suffer . Watching him crumble everyday makes my heart break into thousands of pieces . I don't know why tho because when I see other people cry , of course I am sad but not as sad as when I watch the other one . I will try everything to give us a break from our carrier because all of this just makes us stress so much more . 

After a long while I continued to watch the movie , trying to get myself off of the thoughts . 

,,This old ass dude is giving me the ick." I laughed as the other boy said that out of the blue . I held my hand in front of my mouth , tears running down the side of my face. I listened to Hyunjins laugh , the laugh I have been waiting to hear for months by now. 

,,No because why is he like that ?" he said while laughing , making the situation even funnier . 

Don't worry Hyunjin , I will make you laugh like this every day.