anti-hero// joshler

30

word count: 435

the sky was maroon as i sat at the wooden picnic table. 

joshua smiles and comes back and hands me my ice cream cone.

i stare at him.

"what's on your mind?" he asks.

"one day i'll watch as you're leaving cause you got tired of my scheming, for the last time."

"i can't promise i won't leave but-."

"then don't."

"okay."

"can i ask you a question?"

"go ahead," he smiles.

"did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?"

"yeah, and every single one of my friends was making fun of me. then fifteen seconds later, they started clapping and called me a player."

"then what did you do?"

"i left my girlfriends house in the middle of the night."

"do you wish you'd put it more of a fight?"

"yeah."

"did she ever say it was too much?"

"no..? i.. did.. a few times but i-."

"do you wish you could still touch her?"

he's quiet.

"it's just a question."

"yeah but it's a stupid question. i never hurt her. if that's what you're putting down."

"no- i just.. need to make sure you're a safe person."

"oh."

"i'm.. im sorry."

i lick my ice cream and look in the opposite direction as joshua.

"i get that.. it's just. i'm not a bad guy."

"i don't think you are... but then again i didn't think hunter was either."

"who is hunter?"

i look at joshua. i said his name. without even thinking about it. like i would with ashley. if they were here.

"he was my... my ex boyfriend."

"your abuser?"

i nod.

"tyler..." he trails off and eats his ice cream. 

when he's finished he just stares at me.

"i'm pissed."

"what did i do?"

"i'm mad at him.. you're hurt. i see it all over your face."

"im sorry."

"how old were you?"

" four when we met. seven when it started."

"how old was he?"

"twelve."

"jesus fucking christ tyler."

"he was my best friend."

"you're five years apart-."

"parents were best friends."

"why didn't they do.. anything?"

"they didn't believe me."

i stare at the maroon sky behind him.

"they say men don't get raped. i should've showed them the scars on my back. when i bled because he dug his nails in my back. when he smiled and put his hands all over my thighs and dug his nails in them too. i bled because of how deep he was in me. i should've showed them the times i scrubbed myself in the shower. i bled a lot because of him."

"tyler.. i'm sorry. you definitely had it wo-."

"don't say i had it worse. that's invalidating whatever you went through and if you say that.. i won't tell you anything."

"where does he live?"

"i don't know. i think he's in prison."

"why?"

"he did the same thing to a girl our senior year."

"really?"

"yeah."

"is she okay?"

"sometimes."

"what's her name?"

"ashley."

a/n: hahahah. this chapter was a lot.

and so will the next chapter.