anti-hero// joshler

35

word count: 324

i sit on the floor in his living room.

"i know you slept in my bed."

he's quiet, and i don't know how he's going to react. how he's supposed to. how i want him to.

"i left your room before you woke up- how did you?"

he's questioning me.

"i woke up first. and then went back to sleep," i tell him. 

i will admit. it felt different with him than it ever did with hunter.

"oh. well i'm sorry."

he's apologizing...? aren't i in the wrong for lying.

"no it's fine. i know why."

how has this not turned into an argument?

"okay."

he dropped it.

"okay."

it's.. not a big deal.

"how are you okay with this?" i ask him.

"what do you mean?" 

"i lied to you."

"it was literally just a day."

"it's still a lie."

"yeah that's true. but considering.. i guess you didn't remember you approved it and just woke up with me in your bed considering you're a survivor.. i don't know. i assume you got flashbacks-."

"i did."

"yeah and you needed to process it. it's fine. lying... per this case is valid because you weren't ready to talk about it. and you didn't lie by words exactly. just by like omission."

"i can't believe you're being so cool."

"it's not a big dealio. the lying part. im glad you can talk with me, though, tyler."

"thank you."

"of course, tyler."

my face heats up.

"can we start dating now? i mean you and i are practically always together. i trust you. and uhm you've slept in my bed twice now. once without me and once... with."

"i'd like that tyler."

"this is a nice day-late present."

"can i hold you?"

i nod.

he wraps his arms around my whole body.

"i feel so happy right now, joshua."

he places his hand on my arms. and i flinch. i don't want him to know or find out. but he doesn't ask.

i start to cry.

for multiple reasons.

the wounds hurt. he likes me. he doesn't take everything as a personal threat.

he sees me as a good person. 

he doesn't know.