permanent price ✷ alex karev

022. block me out

"block me out"
by gracie abrams

" i'll say whatever you want, but i've become such a liar
i used to follow my gut, but now i'm just getting higher
it's been a couple of months since i turned to something violet
i should be happier now, so why do i feel this quiet?
...
i think i'm burning alive, but nobody sees the fire
'cause when i open my mouth, i seem to be stuck in silence
i thought of leaving tonight, but i couldn't drive this tired
plus after all of this time, i should be a pretty crier
and now i only let me down
when there's no one else around
i've been thinking way too loud
i wish that i could block me out
don't know how they see me now
feeling lost in every crowd
i feel ten feet off the ground
i wish that i could block me out
...
and in my head, i make a mess of it
i'm getting tired of feeling delicate
i look around, to find a desolate
i used to try, but nothing's helping it
wish i were heavier now i'm floating outside my body
it's not their fault, but i've found that none of my friends will call me
until i'm left to myself, it's honestly kind of funny
how every voice in my head is trying its best to haunt me "

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

season 2, episodes 20-24

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

eleanor had been ignoring things. she'd been ignoring the stares from george. she'd been ignoring alex's desperate attempts at trying to talk to her. she'd been ignoring derek's questions about what was wrong. she was ignoring the subtle digs from meredith and cristina about how she'd gone to the 'dark side'. she'd been ignoring bailey's not-so-subtle questioning of what her problem was. she was ignoring the way joe would look at her when she'd order another one. she was ignoring the pit in her stomach--the one filled with anxiety, not food.

she was ignoring things.

she went to work. she did her job. she went to joes. she went home. she woke up. she did it again.

that was all life was at the moment. 

it was empty. she was empty.

hell, even her patients would ask what was wrong with her.

she told them all--her patients, friends, colleagues, brother--that she was fine.

she'd say just enough for them to leave her alone (not that any of them were convinced).

she was ignoring the problem, and for the most part, so was everyone else.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆