permanent price ✷ alex karev

036. hurts me too

"hurts me too"
by faye webster

" i hate that feeling at night
when i thought my eyes were closed
but they were open the whole time
it was just too dark to know
and what am i supposed to do when
my dad cries in front of me?
do i just close my eyes and
pretend like i didn't see?
and i am done changing words
just so my songs sound prettier
i just don't care if it hurts
'cause it hurts me too "

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

season 3, episodes 22 & 23
the other side of this life pt. 1 & 2

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ ﾟ☆

"it's three in the morning. what are you doing up?" eleanor asked meredith as she walked into the living room.

"what are you doing up?" meredith asked in return.

"couldn't sleep." eleanor sighed. meredith raised a brow at her, as if to question if she was falling back into old happens. eleanor rolled her eyes, "i'm fine, mer."

meredith shrugged.

alex strolled into the living room just seconds later, plopping down on the couch next to eleanor.

"why can't you sleep?" eleanor asked alex.

"no reason." he said. "why'd you leave me alone in bed?"

"no reason." she answered. 

and really, for the most part, that was true. for eleanor, at least. 

she didn't have a reason. every day, things began to feel a little bit better than they did the day before. every day, she felt more sure that she had actually forgiven mark and addison, not just that she had said she did. every day, it felt a little less like a chore to eat and every day she had a little more hope.

but still, there was this feeling that lingered. it was quiet most of the time, but it was always there. the feeling that even though things were getting better, at any second they could take a turn for the worse.

a normal person might call that extreme anxiety, but the way eleanor saw it, it was just realism. the truth was things could turn around at any second, and based on the way the last year had gone, it was actually pretty likely that they would.

every once in a while that lingering feeling got a little louder, and that early three a.m. morning was one of those times.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ ﾟ☆

everything had been so busy lately. balancing work, studying, relationships, and planning cristina's wedding had been hard. but it was the fun parts like trying on dresses at the bridal shop that made it all worth it.

the dress that eleanor currently had on was just terrible, but she didn't mind because in her opinion the whole thing was kind of fun.

she wasn't as enthusiastic as izzie, but she definitely did enjoy the whole thing. cristina being absolutely miserable was an added bonus, though.

she would never say it out loud, but sometimes she dreamt of her own wedding one day. she'd watched most of her siblings get married, she'd been in the bridal party for half a dozen weddings by now and for the first time in her life she could close her eyes and picture herself in their shoes.