Love, Evangeline

49.

In this world, people prepare you for death. Weather it's someone else's or yours, people prepare you so that in the end, it doesn't hurt half as bad. They say 'this is just the beginning' and that the next life will bring comfort, peace, and happiness. But what about the people you leave, or the person leaving whoever cared about them the most? No one prepares people after they lose someone to death. No one prepares them for the trauma, heartbreak, loneliness, depression. The late nights spent staring up at the ceiling, with a heart full of utter anger. Spending days, weeks, months stuck in a dark, cold hole where there's not hope of embracing the warmth and light.

When the days you remembered laughing, smiling, feeling alive slowly dissolve into the weeks were breathing is simply a chore, moving let alone thinking aches every muscle and nerve in your body. When remembering the last time you were happy was when you were with them, which then turns into nights were you're drunk in the bathroom seeing no end in the longing misery. The nights spent with them and waking up next to them made you realize that you had won everything in life. Then within a blink of an eye, you're holding them in your arms, begging them to fight and hold on a little bit longer.

Selfishness; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage. Needing someone to stay to fill the darkness and to keep the happiness that gleamed in your heart. She deserved everything in the world, and I promised every day that I'd give it to her. Forcing myself to believe that I was the good guy, that the endless attempts of saving her wasn't just for me, but for us. Yet, there's this voice in my head that I couldn't get rid of. I needed her, I was possessive, protective, she was mine.

So in the end, when people saw our story, what would they call me? A monster, cruel, vile? I loved Evangeline Lombardi more than I did myself, so does that still make me as selfish and cruel as the world made me out to be? If it meant that Evangeline Lombardi could live and breathe today, walk the streets of Rome with a smile on her face, feel the warmth and the cold breeze against her face, I'd sacrifice my life for her any damn day.  

I needed her, if I had to die to see her again... I would.

                                            - - -

January

February

March

Today was the day my father launched his new business. Meetings were planned out and made nearly every day for the past few months. I spent a majority of my time assisting at my father's side as well as working with my own growing business. To say my life was normal again was something I couldn't bring myself to say, let alone admit. Something about how I thought, acted, spoke, viewed things changed in ways I never came across to believe was possible. After everything, I didn't think I could be the man I was before I met the love of my life. I found myself getting irritated at things, anger flooding my system when people attempted to negotiate around my terms.

What I do, my work, my business involved hunting other business down and getting information out of them. In the long run, weather that concluded to threatening people, or having blood on my hands, I did what I had to do.

Later on that day

" Boss we've got some men who aren't talking?" my main guard informed me. My eyes averted over to a man bound to a chair, blood trickling down his nose. " What do you want me to do boss?" my security asked. Stepping off the brick wall, I asked calmly, " has he spoken at all?" " No sir," my guard informed. As I inhaled deeply, a cold breeze fluttered against the side of my face. " The others?" I asked as I slid off my suit jacket. " They all ran sir," my guard said as he took my jacket from me. I scoffed softly as my guard then said, " all men for themselves, right?" " The last thing they are, are men," I corrected my guard. A soft sigh parted from the guard's mouth as as I began approaching the man tied down in a chair.