Finding My Heaven

chapter 39

Camillos pov

How the fuck has she gotten away with this. Isabella has forever raised the bar and set the record for best Accardi sneak out. Now this tradition goes way back to when me and Alessandro were teens. Sneaking out, Sneaking people in, hiding shit we should not have and covering our asses by blaming the younger ones. I actually held the title of best sneak out. Was gone for 2 days, I actually hid in the back of dads car to get to town, jumped out when he went into a shop and ran for my life because if he knew I'm out of the house without telling anyone I would have been crucified. Went out to a couple of concerts lived a normal teenage life than snuck back into the house. We all know thats not the complete story but thats what the younger ones have been told.
We were used to have guards follow us around everywhere, in the house outside at school. In the house we each had a specialist suited to our needs skills and age. Outside we had multiple specialists, two guards, 3 undercover guards ,a tracker and one trusted person always watching through cameras example traffic lights, security cameras, phones and so on...
Dad was really focused on us being safe, he didn't care if we weren't happy as long as we were safe

Isabella thinks shes the only one that doesn't get a 'normal' teenage life, that we dont understand how hard it is for a teen in the mafia. But we do. It was the hardest for Alessandro and I, we had to figure it on our own and then help the boys figure it out so they dont.
Now Isabella has all 6 of us that would help her out in a heartbeat if she would let us, we know how it feels, the pressure of someone always looking over you, the judgement, the fear, the hate, the loneliness, the truth.

The reality.

Now shes across the country with our father, that we all know has already organised a bunch of guards to watch her every movement, even if she doesn't realise that she's being watched. Its a shit situation though because she needs to take her chemo for her cancer otherwise it could get out of hand. The weather lately has been so harsh with so much snow we cant fly over there and reach her. Cristian cant go over there to give her the chemo.

Alessandro was just on the phone talking to dad about this and how he has to take her to one of our private hospitals in the morning so she can get her chemo, Cristian has alread contacted the hospital making sure they have it and know her medical history.

I know I shouldn't worry about her safety because shes surrounded by here family that would rather die then let her get hurt, but I still am. I will always worry about her, thats my job I'm her older brother.

Antonio is still at our hospital, we told him what happened with Isabella, he just laughed and called us idiots earning himself a slap on the back of his head by Alessandro.

But it's good to see him finally recovering.

Isabella's POV

"Oh my fucking god just shut up." Lorenzo scolds from across the couch.

"NEVER!" Elio screamed wiping tears from his eyes, he gets really emotional when watching outer banks I guess.

"No one fucking invite you to watch tv with us so if you don't shut up I'll drag you outside into the snow and throw you in the pool."

"I'll get hypothermia!" Elio stated as if it was gonna help him.

"If you do that's your fault not mine." Lorenzo laugh's probably imagining it.

It's been 10 minutes and the boys won't stop arguing so I decided to go and explore a bit. Eventually I found my way to a little balcony on the second floor, the nights darkness blankets over the horizon making it hard to see past 20 meters.

How did I get here, how did I end up in the middle of this fucking shit show I now call my life. I just want to go home, home to mom, I want my mom.

It's all my fault. Every thing is all my fucking fault. If I was home that night with Anne, if it was like every other night I would have reminded her to turn off that stupid light. That light.

She wouldn't be dead, mom wouldnt have died, Derek wouldn't have had to run into the fire.

All because of that stupid fucking light.

Antonio is in the hospital because of me, and that guy is dead because of me.

I killed him.

I killed them.

I'm a murderer.

All theses people have been hurt because of me, most of them are dead because of me. IM THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE DEAD.

I'm the one that deserves to die.

I wish I was the one dead.

"Isabella?" A calm voice quietly spoke, I glanced up to see Valentino standing at the doorway of the balcony.  Slowly he makes his way over  and sits on the ground beside me. I didn't even realise I was on the ground until now.

"I can only imagine how your feeling right now." Was all Valentino said as he studied my face trying to decipher what I was thinking.

A sob crept out of me as I started crying, Valentino carefully pulled me into a hug.

"I just want it to stop." My voice cracked mid sentence.

"I know."

"I-I just feel like I'm constantly waiting, waiting for something bad to ha-happen again. I don't want anything to happen, Im so fucking scared." I cry even harder into Valentinos shoulder as he rubs my back trying to calm me down.

"It's okay I got you, no one's going to hurt you. Not here." He whispered.

"I just want to go home, home to my mom. I just want my mom back." I cry even harder.

At this point I've completely forgotten where I am. Valentino seems so much like Alessandro, I miss Alessandro. 

"Come on let's get you inside." Valentino quietly says to me at he stands up lifting me up with him. After a while he sets me down in a bed and pulls the covers over me.

"Isabella your so loved, don't forget that. And don't blame yourself for everything that has happened because it wasn't your fault, none of it could have been your fault."

Darkness consumes my vision and I'm left with one thought before I'm completely asleep.

Maybe it wasn't all my fault.

******
Sorry guys for not giving out another part in like ages I've just been extremely busy with school and life, hope everyone enjoys.

Stay safe guys xxx