A Teen's Guide to Life

Cover your butt girl!

Congrats! You're all grow up, going to middle school, great times. But it's not perfect.

If you are a teen, you better pray to every lord above that you don't move. Because first off, you lose your friends and your place at your home, but you also are at the age in which friend groups have already been established. Good luck fitting in.

At the top of the chain are the populars, aka the ones that are dubbed sluts or manwhores.

Those are, in books, the cheerleaders who clearly hate their clothes because there are barely any on. These are the hot guys who are football players. Why football players, I don't know. What's wrong with basketball or volleyball? I'm sure those two are also manly enough right? Seriously. In my school, majority of our popular people are soccer and basketball players, not football.

Anyways, it'll be the biggest sluts and manwhores together, otherwise known as the football captain and the cheer captain. Like, can't there at least be a cheerleader that is not the captain dating the football captain?

It's basically an established fact that the football and cheer captain have to be together. Then the football captain falls for the nerd. Or the loser. Or the nerd.

But it's never the cheer captain. Can't girls fall in love too? Sexist.

No one ever really likes the cheer captain other than other sluts. And mysteriously, they're still popular.

I think everyone forgets the meaning of popular. To be popular is to be liked by everyone. If no one likes the cheer captain, why is she popular?

Cheerleaders are like birds. They together flock everywhere, and act as their own group. But that really incorrect. In fact, I can guarantee that half the cheerleaders at my school hate each other.

"You know, I hate you and you and you an- you know what? I actually hate all of you. Byeeee."

How does everyone stand the cheerleaders in the book? If I had to deal with them I would stuff them into a box and they'd be on the next flight to the farthest place away from me. I'm sure Australia would love them. No, Australia's too nice. With all the people drinking tea with kangaroos and koala bears...

I know, Antartica! I'd like to see them hate their clothes there. Say hello to Santa for me.

But truthfully, in real life, cheerleaders aren't half bad. Two of my friends are cheerleaders. Although I don't like them too much cause they keep trying to steal my other friends but I mean, they're still my friends. And I love them.

...does that make sense?

Cheerleaders are always so pathetic. They just run around looking pretty and then when it comes to a fight, they back down... or try scratching you with their claws. Well take that. I have claws too. And they're actually real. As in, I have long nails that actually come from cells dying or whatever ish it is.

What? It's not my fault I don't listen in to the teacher during science or biology or chemistry or whatever you call it.

Anyways, I'd turn to a cheer leader and say:

"Haha come at me you pom-pom poof ball. I will send you cartwheeling straight to the hospital."

Sigh. If only I wasn't so afraid of jail...

Don't look at me like that. I look terrible in orange. It just doesn't match my skin tone... or my hair... or basically any trait of me. I like black. Black like my soul. Goodbye orange you pretender, cause orange could never be the new black.

Black will always be the new black.

DON'T YOU ARGUE WITH ME MISSY I SEE YOU OPENING YOUR MOUTH YOUR OPINION IS NOT NEEDED.

So cheerleaders are sexy, slutty, oompa loompa look-a-likes with their tans and-

What do you mean I've never mentioned the tan? I'm sure I have. Well, cheerleaders have to have tans. It's like a necessity. There is so much tanning done that the cheerleader has orange skin. But let's be real here. There is no way cheerleaders have such terrible vision that they allow themselves to be spray tanned into a sweet potato. They might be missing their clothes, but they most definitely aren't missing their eyesight!

Hmm, what am I missing. Fake tans, check. Bitchy attitudes, check. Slutty, check. Makeup, ch- oh! I forgot the makeup.

Cheerleaders always have terrible or overload of makeup. In every book, there's the comeback,"You look like an oompa loompa. What did you do your makeup with, a crayola marker?

But honestly, the cheerleaders I know either really don't wear makeup, or
apply it like a pro. I'm still really jealous. Why are they pros when I can't even draw a straight line with my eyeliner yet.

Hell I can't even tell the difference between brushes.

What kind of injustice is this?

THIS ISN'T FAIR.

***
Hey! Hows it going? Started writing in advance again. Whoopee.

AND SCHOOL'S OUT.

And here's a cover! As you should now all know, I changed the title. It's now "A Teen's Guide To Life".

I'M SEXY, I'M CUTE, I'M POPULAR TO BOOT

SCHOOL'S OUT SCHOOL'S OUT SCHOOL'S OUT YEEEEEES.

Alright I am clearly not ok so I'll just get off now.

Byeeeeee.

Lucy