A Teen's Guide to Life

You can remake PLL

Seriously, if you don't meet or know one of these people I'm going to talk about, you need to stop right now and try to find a way out of that perfect virtual world. Or stay. You're life is better without Lari's.

Lari's are given a week to complete an essay, and on the day it's due, they walk in with a pack of gum, a couple of candy wrappers, some pencil shavings, and a whole lot of nothing.

And then in comes the lies. Normal right? No.Because the ridiculous lies they speak aren't even that good. When I lie, it sounds realistic. You can believe it. But Lari's? Nuh uh.

"Uh, the paper in my house went rogue... and we uh... we had to um, had to shoot them all so I didn't have anything to print out."

"Oh email! Yeah the computer in my house got sick and they needed to be sent to the emergency room so I didn't have it all week..."

"Right, the library! It was closed all week even though you just went to it yesterday!"

And I'm looking at her like

Brains exist for a reason you know. Use them.

We're here to develop our brains Jesus Christ what have you been doing all these year how did you even make it this far?

Then the teacher is nice and says if she has it on presentation day she can still get points.

So a couple days passed because the teacher is sick and Lari totally should have finished her essay by now right? Let's find out.

It's Tuesday again, and the teacher asked for everyone to take out the essay to present and I look over at Lari and woah, there was nothing there.

Eventually, the teacher is finished making snide remarks to Lari and just has herself present what she has for her essay before just giving her a zero.

Like wow. That did wonders for her grade. As in, it did nothing because there was no humanly possible way someone could get a grade worse than what she already had.

Seriously, all she had to do was spend three seconds to write a simple opening paragraph and she could have at least gotten five points.

And five points would do wonders for her grade, it's that low.

The next time there's a project, on the day it's due, guess who doesn't have their project?

Nope, not Jim Bob. Not Greg. Not Ricky, Nicky, Dicky, or Dawn. Not Laquisha or Sharkeisha. Most definitely not Rammag. That bi-... Goat. That goat turned her project in three days early.

Not even Bob the Builder. It was Lari. Bet you didn't see that coming.

Not only did she promise she'd do it soon and hand it in within the next week, she also swore that she would immediately start on it.

Two minutes later, guess who called me and invited me over to their house?

Lari.

So, me being a slight Rammag, I asked Lari:

"Didn't you say you were going to do your project once you got home?"

And Lari would nonchalantly say:

"I would but my computer's water just broke and she went into labor. I'll start on my project whenever she gets released from the hospital and we find a wet nurse for the baby."

And then I would suddenly hang up the phone and I'm thinking:

Brain aren't everything. In Lari's case, they clearly don't even exist.

Oh dear, I "accidentally" hung up on Lari. Whoops, my bad. Now I'm going to "accidentally" forget to call her back.

And when Lari calls back, I'm coughing up every excuse I can find including:

"My imaginary dog jumped onto me and made me accidentally drop the phone."

"Sorry, my finger slipped."

"I hang up on you? Whoops I'm sorry, I never noticed. I was busy doing the homework that you should also invest in doing."

Which, by definition would make me a Lari, but hey, it's for a good cause.

Or I can coincidentally be too far from the phone and she can receive my specifically designed for her message.

"I'm not here right now. So cry me a river, build a bridge, and take a swan dive off it."

Nah I'm kidding. I'm never that mean.

And so everyone in the class is so over Lari that Lari started losing friends. And soon, no one liked Lari. Everyone avoided her, and didn't even try to be nice about it.

Lari had so many well-wishers and they all wanted to toss her down one.

All the new kids were first warned about Lari, before they were warned about the seventy year old teacher who still acts as if we're in the 1800s and smacks our desks with rulers and speaks in that nasally voice.

Back in my day....

In which everyone rolls their eyes at her and practically bolts for the door when class is over. Which invokes a:

"Hey! No running. Jeez, kids these days. Always in a hurry. Back in my day, we all showed proper respect to our elders and never ran."

And everyone would always wish that the darn lady would just retire already and leave them alone. But nope, oh look, there she is. Stupid grouchy old lady who bathes in lavender perf-

Uh, I was just-

Um. You know... giving an example. Because uh, every time you give a explanation, you need to give an example an uh... we're going to just stop now.

So to all the Lari's, I would like to take a moment and say this very deep and beautifully emotional statement.

Deep breath.

Here we go.

A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun could kiss the grass, but you, you my friend. Yes you. You can kiss my ass.
***

Helloooooo.

Anyone figure out why I chose Lari (pronounced "Larry") as the name?

Who is a Lari?

...Who's still reading this book? If you are comment "Snape kills Dumbledore."

Two comments and a vote?

Lucy