Why Won't You Let Me Slack!?

Chapter 7

A/N: Just letting you guys know, there might be some parts from ORV that I won't change, so if you guys end up seeing some parts that look like they were copy-pasted or barely changed from the book, just know it's supposed to be like that.

Also this chapter is a lot shorter than I thought it was 😂

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'I'm here again.'

It's the train car.

It's always the same damn train car.

No matter how many times he opens his eyes, hoping for the chance to see that child again, he's always hit by the same loathsome scene.

He'd broken down numerous times already, wishing for a chance to find them again.

He'd spent so many days hoping this was all a nightmare and that he'd wake up surrounded by the young children beside him like countless times before...

He remembers the first time he realized he wouldn't be able to see them again. He remembers how, for the first time since starting this accursed cycle, he broke down sobbing within the carriage at the realization; how he mercilessly took his anger and desperation out on the terrorist the day it began before completely losing his rationality, only to find himself as the only survivor within the bloody carriage again.

He became numb to the pain of it all. Although he searched tens- hundreds- no, more than a thousand times in hopes of seeing them one last time, his hopes were always shattered.

'This is it. This has to be-'

But it was useless.

This was his reality now.

No matter how much he searches or tries to find even a hint about them in this godforsaken hell, he can never find them.

He couldn't find them even before this damn apocalypse hit a̶s̶ i̶f̶ t̶h̶e̶y̶ w̶e̶r̶e̶ n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ t̶o̶ b̶e̶g̶i̶n̶ w̶i̶t̶h̶. Even when he attempted to look for them in the home they welcomed him in long before the first few times it happened, he'd always turn up empty.

Then one day, something changed.

He lost his chance.

He began waking up here. Always here.

Eventually, just like countless times before, he found himself asking the same question again.

Were they ever real?

Did he simply imagine those days together as a way to cope with the dark reality he must face to keep his mind from shattering? Are they simply a part of some big delusion his mind conjured up from the overbearing cycle of stress and failure he must repeat?

Like a dream, now he can only remember bits and pieces of the days they spent laughing together. He remembers how he cared for them. How he treasured the time they spent together. He knew that, if he were to see them now, he'd immediately be able to recognize the group of troublemakers and young redhead he came to cherish. But, as more and more time passed, it almost felt like he was losing those memories of them. The more trouble he had recalling them, the more evident it became that they most likely nev-

'No. They're real.'

They have to be real.

How else could he have had such happy memories? His mind wasn't capable enough of fabricating something this happy. There's no other explanation.

It's not that he's forgotten.

He knows he hasn't forgotten.

But, almost like a seal, those memories- those precious moments he so desperately wishes to get back- are locked away from him, so close and yet so out of reach.