IT ALL STARTED IN HIGH SCHOOL

A Hard Pill To Swallow

As we leave the condo I feel as if my heart is tearing apart. I want to save Caleb. I have to. I don't want him to lose anything just because of me. I take my finally look around then go to meet up with Adam who is waiting downstairs for me.
We drive back to his place in silence. Once there we unloaded my stuff back in the room I stayed and Adam says he has to return to the office because he left an urgent meeting. I lay back in bed for a while. Just looking up at the ceiling. "How could I be so foolish to let Caleb in. I have to get away. I need to.

I sit up and started planning a way out. First I have to give up my home and my job. I am thinking of calling up Becca. To ask her if I can stay with her for a while. Atleast I will be able to think for a while. Yes. It sure will work. I feel nauseous again. I really need to see a doctor. These are signs of pregnancy. I feel terrified just by thinking about this. I called Adam telling him i would be out for a while then get ready then call a cab and headed to a clinic nearby.
As I set in the waiting area a nurse comes out and calls my name. I follow her into the doctor's office. "Your blood test is here Ms Scott. Congratulations. You are three months pregnant." He smiles and hands me a copy of my pregnancy result.

I sit in shock. Horror. Pregnant? I should be happy but am not. How can I be when the baby's father is married. What am I going to do now. How will I handle this. Am not ready to be a mom just yet. Not under this circumstances. I sobbed. "Ms Scott is everything ok?" The doctor asks concerned. "Huh yeah. Am ok. Just surprised. Thank you for asking." I replied trying to be polite. I get up to leave. "Hold on Ms. I need to prescribe some antenatal pills for you to start on." He says pulling out a prescription sheet to write on.

I buy the prescribed tablets then leave to go back home. I really have to leave now. Once inside I head straight to my room. I hug my stomach as if I can feel the baby against my hands. "I am going to love you for infinity." I whisper. I take my phone out and start to write an email and send to the school. I call Becca and tell her my plan except about the baby. I don't want to tell her over the phone. I prefer to tell her face to face.
The day ends rather quickly.

Adam is not home as yet. I look at the time. 8:25pm. I wondered if something had happened to him. I call him but no answer. I sit in the living room watching the clock and waiting. I don't know when I fell asleep but the sound of the door opening wakes me up.
I stand quickly to greet Adam. "Hey. Are you ok? Did anything happen today?" I ask wondering about his safety. "Hey hey. Its ok. Am fine. Nothing happened. I just had some loose ends to tie up." He replies as leaving his bags on the center table and walking to me. "So how was your day?" He asks walking up the stairs. "My day was ok. I went to see the doctor because I was feeling a little under the weather." "Oh really? Is everything ok?" He stops to ask. "Yea. Am great. He just gave me vitamins to take to get my health fully back on track." I half-heartedly lie. "Ok. I hope you take them so you can feel much better. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you." He responds and continues going up the stairs.

We eat dinner quietly which is usually not something we would do. "So tell me something, whats your plan when it comes to working again?" He ask breaking the ice. "Well I quit my job today. I need something else to do." I tell him confidently. "Oh ok. Well I am sure you will find something better to do. You know I support your choices." Hearing him say this makes me feel more confident in the choices am about to make.

After dinner we clean up the kitchen and head for our rooms. "I have some work to take care of. Am gonna go to my study now. Good night." He says and kisses my lips. This time the kiss feels off. I don't know why but it just feels terribly off. I respond to him and enters my room and closes the door.

I searched online for tickets to fly out to South Dakota where Becca lives now. It's hard to see myself doing this. I mean I made a life here and now I am about to leave it behind just to save Caleb. I want to tell him about this baby but I can't. I don't want him to feel as if he has to lose everything to be with me and this baby. I have to do this on my own. I bite back the tears. No matter what Caleb must never know about this baby.