IT ALL STARTED IN HIGH SCHOOL

New Growth

It's been almost two months since I have been in Dakota. I told Becca everything. About Caleb and all that. I just don't want to burden myself with so many secrets. I am tired of feeling like everything that happened is all bad. I was surprised to see that she actually accepted everything. Even hinting that she had an idea about us after seeing my ring on the dressing table. She was waiting for me to be open with her.
Since she knows everything I must admit that she has been there for me right through. I am five months pregnant now and I recently did an ultrasound to be certain of the due date and gender.. I am gonna be having this baby the 23rd of July and its a boy. I just can't wait to meet him. Becca seems more happier than I am. She has been shopping like crazy for the baby and I.

I called my dad to let him know whats going on. I must say for a man he screams pretty loud. I called my aunt and cousins also. They ask that I fly out to spend time with them before the baby comes and after the birth they will come visit. I feel so loved being surrounded by all these people who truly loves me.

While we are at home Becca is making me some fried bacon with rice. This baby is very picky. I have been eating this six weeks now and every time I eat it, it's like the first time I tasted it. The greatest thing about this trimester is that I am over all the nausea. And I am gaining some weight. My skin tone is even getting a bit lighter from this pregnancy. Becca jokes around and calls it my pregnancy glow. I love it.
As I massage my belly my mind strays to Caleb. I don't know why but I just think of him suddenly. I have no contact with him. Or Adam and am happy about it. I miss Caleb's touch but I honestly can't say I regret what I have done.

Staying back in Maryland only means trouble for Caleb. I don't want him to lose his daughter. I mean he has it all. I don't want him to lose out on anything. What if we don't work out. I don't want any regrets later on in life. "Nessa are you ready to eat?" Becca calls out. It seems as if she had been calling out to me for a long while. I get up and walked over to her taking my plate and grabbing a bottle of water.
I sit on the carpet of the living room and started eating. I am not one to eat from the floor but I find it comforting to do. Pregnancy really changes people.

The days go by real quick. I am now 8 months and heavily pregnant. Ia worried that I might not be able to bounce back as quick as I am thinking. Becca has been helping me to choose names for the baby. We write the names on paper them crumple it and do a little drop in the bag and then pick from it.
She picked one name for the middle name and I picked one for the first name. I think this might just be fun. As we unwrap the names she holds her choice to my face. 'Onyx'. I smile at it. That was a name I had written for him. I unwrapped mine. 'Cayden'. I showed her. She screams causing the baby to jump. Its a name she had written down. "So it's Cayden Onyx Carter. Wow. I like how it rolls off my tongue." Becca says repeating his name.

I wish Caleb could be part of this but I can't do it. I contemplate on giving him his father's last name. But I don't want him to know. "Becca no. It's Cayden Onxy Scott. I don't want his father to find out. It might ruin his life." I tell her as I make such sudden decision. "But why? I mean having the name won't hurt. Plus he doesn't even know you're pregnant. So why are you going this far? What will you tell Onyx once he gets older and asks about his father?" Becca makes a good point. "I will figure it out. I just don't want us to be attached to Caleb." I say in frustration. "You already have a very very big attachment." She points out looking my belly up and down. I sigh as I admit that all she said is the truth.

I start the count down. I have a week left before Onyx gets here. Becca and I put the finishing touches in a corner of my room that I turned into a nursery. I can't wait to meet him. I sit on the mommy rocking chair and take a book from the side table beside the crib. I slow rock the chair back and forth and start to sing the nursery rhyme from the book to the baby. He kicks and moves all over the place as if dancing to the songs. "I love you too Onyx." I say in response to his kicks.