SIDE STAGE TECH

Chapter 18

// please don't hate me for this

*trigger warning*
don't worry I don't describe the action of harming oneself. also if you ever need someone to talk to because you feel like harming yourself, or you're just having a bad day, I promise I'm right here if you need me, just inbox me. ok carry on with the story.

:.:.:

As usual after an exam Mike checked his phone. There were a few missed calls from Vic so he seemed worried. I sat down next to him and cuddled up, letting him know that I was there for him. Mike quickly pressed Vic's number and put the phone up to his ear. After a few rings I could faintly hear a voice on the other line. It wasn't Vic's. It was Vivian and she sounded like she was crying. My stomach dropped "Mama what happened?" Mike demanded worriedly.
*pause*
Mikes face went pale. "Shit." He mumbled. "I'm on my way." He said, tears filling his eyes. He wiped them away before they fell. Then he texted Jaime to cover for him while he was gone. "Mike what happened?" I asked as he sat there in shock, unable to move. "Vic...he tried to kill himself again." Mike mumbled. My heart just about burst. "Is he in the hospital?" I asked, feeling tears flood my own eyes. Mike nodded.
"I'm going to go see him." He whispered.
"Want me to come with you?" I said, kissing his cheek sadly. Mike nodded, eyes full of unshed tears. We snuck out of our dorm and past the cameras, not caring if we got in trouble later. Then we got into Mike's beat up car and sped off to San Diego. It's was getting dark already. Out exam was at about 8 because that's when the teacher was free. We had missed it on the day it was written because I had gotten sick and Mike refused to leave my side.

As we drove into the hospital parking lot I nervously played with one of my snakebites. I was terrified. Me and Mike got out of the car. As soon as we were side by side he grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, as if to let me know he was equally nervous. We basically breezed past the nurses and security. They must have understood how we felt. I was so scared for Vic, my insides felt like they were being tied in a knot and my breath was shaky. Over the last couple months I had gotten to know Vic quite well and we were close friends. Vic, Jaime, Mike, and I would hang out together any time it was possible so I had gotten the change to get closer to him.

Finally we got to Vic's room and let ourselves in. My heart broke even more at what I saw. Vic was hooked up to about 10 machines. I had no idea what some of them even did but I didn't care, as long as they were keeping Vic alive. The heart monitor was beeping unsteadily and Vic was hooked up to an oxygen mask. We only had 10 minutes since the visiting hours were over. We practically had to beg the doctors to let us see Vic, and even then they said a nurse had to go with us just in case. Mike let go of my hand and pulled up the two chairs that were in the corner. I smiled weakly at the stressed looking nurse standing by the door. She returned it before coming in and closing the door behind her.

When I sat down next to Mike I finally got to have a good look at Vic. The first thing I noticed was the bruise around his neck. It was a rope mark. I let out a quiet sob and covered my mouth. Then I looked at his arms that were laying on top of the pristine white sheet. They were wrapped in bandages but I noticed splotches of red showing through. Vic look so pale, like a ghost, he was so thin as well, like he could disappear at any given moment. It was so sad to think that such a talented, creative, kind, boy could want to end himself so badly. The tears begging to spill out of Mike's sad brown eyes finally fell as he reached out and held his brother's limp hand. I hugged him and cried quietly into his side as his arm wrapped around my shoulders. "Vic if you can hear me, I just want you to know that me and Tony are here. We want you to pull through. I don't know what I would do without my big brother." Mike said, whispering the last part as his voice broke down. I sighed heavily and he pulled me closer. I looked at Mike and Vic's hands. Suddenly Vic's grip tightened, the heart monitor started beating wildly for a few seconds before it flatlined. "VIC!" Mike yelled, jumping up. I stood up as well, gasping in surprise. A yell tore from my throat as 4 security guards tried dragging me and Mike out of the room. "No! No! I can't leave!" I screamed, trying to rip free from the guard's grip. Before I was finally pulled out of the room I could see Vic's shaking form suddenly go still. The guards took me and Mike to the waiting room where we basically collapsed in the seats, hugging each other. Then began the long wait for news from the doctors. Was the news we got worth the 3 hour wait? No.

Vic's funeral was quiet. It was an overcast day. Not rainy, but not sunny. Mike and Vic's parents had already retreated to their house. Me, Jaime, and Mike had skateboarded over here. Even thought Vivian and Papa Fuentes had already left we still had yet to say our goodbyes. I guess Mr. and Mrs. Fuentes understood that we wanted to do this alone. Tears dripped down my face as I stood, my head resting on Mike's shoulder. Jaime stood with his hands in the pockets of his black jacket. It was an informal funeral, because we knew that Vic wasn't the kind of person who wanted fancy dress at his funeral. We cremated him, but in the coffin we put some of his favourite things. That's what Vic had always wanted. For his ashes to be spread into the ocean. Oh how Vic loved the ocean. Jaime wiped away the stray tears and took a deep breath. "Vic, I never got to say this to you, but I love you. Not just as a brotherly way, like in love with you. I wish I had gotten the chance to say it. We're going to miss you so much. I'll always love you, and you'll always be in my heart." Jaime's voice cracked at the last words. Mike and I looked up at Jaime with a surprised look on our faces. Jaime just looked back and nodded sadly. I stifled a sob and buried my face into Mike's warm chest. Mike spoke next. "Vic you were an awesome brother. Remember when you and I would make things up? And play pretend? Or watching movies until we couldn't keep our eyes open, and hiding from Aunt Mathilda's hugs and kisses at family gatherings. Remember when I came out and Mama and Papa and Papa had to give Mama 50 bucks?" Mike paused and covered his mouth with his hand, squinting his eyes shut. He took a rattling breath before continuing. "You'll always be my not so big big-brother. I'll miss you Vic." I kissed Mike sadly before speaking.
"Vic, over the few months I knew you, you became one of my best friends. hanging out with you, Jaime, and Mike was amazing. Remember during spring break when we made up a band? That was one of the best weeks of my life. I actually admire how long you held on to life even after everything. You're the strongest person I know and an inspiration to me. I'm going to pick up where you left off in your anti-bullying protests. We miss you so much, Vic. I wish you were still here with us." I whispered, unable to trust my voice. Mike picked the urn up from the ground and opened it, before throwing some into the sea. Me and Jaime did the same until all the ashes were gone. We quickly rinsed off our hands in the water before picking up our skateboards and heading back to my house. "Bye Mike." I said sadly, kissing him softly after Jaime had gone back to his house. "Bye, babe. I love you." Mike replied, unwrapping his skinny arms from my waist. He started skating home before I called out to him in a broken voice. "Mike wait." He turned around and skated back towards me. "Stay the night. Please? I know you won't be able to last without anyone and neither will I. I'm sure your parents won't mind. Please stay." I pleaded, lacing my fingers with his. Mike nodded and we walked up the front step. We stashed our boards in the hall closet before saying hello to my mother and going up to my room. I lay down on my bed and Mike lay down next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I pressed my face into the crook of his neck. Mike sighed deeply, wiping away stray tears. I shifted so I was laying on my side, facing him.
Mike rolled over so he was also facing me. "Mike, I-" I began but Mike cut me off. "Shh. Not right now. I don't want to talk about it right now." He said, trying and failing to hide the obvious pain in his voice. Mike brought me a little closer by my hips. His hand went up to my face and to my nose. "Mike what are you doing?" I asked, confused as Mike stroked my nose. "Your nose is really straight." He mumbled. I laughed slightly. "You're so weird." I mumbled. Mike smiled sadly, tilted his head, and kissed me. It was a slow kiss. I felt pain. Not physical and not mine, but Mike's. He was bottling it all up inside of him and I knew that one day he would crack and all of the pain would come crashing down on him.

"Mike." I said, kissing his lips softly, trying to wake him up. He opened his eyes and gazed at me tiredly. "Hey." He croaked. "Breakfast is ready." I said simply. "Not hungry."Mike replied, closing his eyes again. I shrugged and lay down next to him again, pressing my face into his neck. "I'll eat later." He mumbled. I sighed. He was really hit hard by Vic's death. Everyone was. Vic was honestly the sweetest person ever and I had really gotten close to him throughout the months of him, Jaime, Mike and I all hanging out whenever we could. He was honestly like a brother to me and his death had seriously shaken everyone.