SIDE STAGE TECH

Chapter 21

// how's everyone? did you eat?? brush your teeth?? smiled?? taken care of yourself generally?? if yes, good. if not, please stay healthy and happy.

Also I really wrote this chapter from by heart and I used my personal experience for a bit of it just so you guys know. this chapter was a bit of a vent for me, just getting a little bit of the shit storm of issues out of my head.  so if anyone has lost someone recently and needs to vent I'm right here. I promise.

:.:

I jumped, nearly spilling the popcorn that was in my lap as one of the freaky vampire chicks popped up on the screen, scaring the living hell out of me as my mom just laughed. "Why did you chose VanHellsing if you're going to get scared of literally everything?" She laughed. I grinned bashfully at her and took another sip of the pop I was drinking. "It's my favourite movie." I mumbled, looking back at the screen. I loved this, I loved spending time with my mum and getting away from all the stress of school and preparing for the musical. I needed just a break from everything to uphold a tradition. At least I have one routine even though it's a yearly occurrence. I needed something like that in my life because if I didn't I would probably go even more insane, lapsing into my sadistic thoughts of my early teen years that happened just after my father passed away. I needed something to balance the stress with the good and this seemed like one of the only good things right now, aside from Mike. This was like my sanctuary, my lifeline. Everything just crashed down when Vic died. It was the last straw. I couldn't lose anyone else that I was close to.

I sighed and took another sip of pop. A small smile spread across my lips as I began thinking of all the good times me, Jaime, and Mike had with Vic. I thought back to my birthday, where Vic had gotten one of his friends to grab us some beer and we had a party out in the woods. It had seemed so long ago we were having fun with Vic. The gang had changed now that Vic was gone. Everything had changed. I sighed and shifted into a more comfortable position on the lumpy cabin couch. Mum paused the movie. "Tony...Are you alright?" She asked, putting her warm hand over my cold one. "Yeah. I'm just missing Vic. It's so different." I sighed.
"I know it's hard my turtle, but it's going to get better. He's definitely in a better place now and he's happy now. Hopefully he isn't in pain anymore." She said, calling me by my childhood nickname and pulling me down so I could lay my head in her lap like I did whenever I was sad. "I love you, mom. No matter what." I whispered, swallowing a lump in my throat. It wasn't often that I cried, but now was one of the times where I needed to let it out. "I love you too Tony. And no matter how big you get you'll always be my baby boy." She said, brushing my hair out of my face. Right then I definitely did feel like a child being comforted by his mother, but by god I needed it because it had been so rough lately.

:.:

"Mike I'm back!" I called, kicking open the door of the dorm Sunday morning. I turned around to the bunks to see Mike laying in his, just staring that the ceiling. "Tony." He croaked.
"Mike.." I said, his name falling gently from my lips.
"Help." That simple word was enough to practically shatter my heart. I had not known such a cocky, confident boy to be so broken sounding. Wordlessly I climbed up to the bunk and lay down next to him. immediately he rolled onto his side, pressed his face in my neck, and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.

The thing about losing anything is that you don't really know what you have until it's gone. It's the same with people. You underestimate how much you need or like someone until they're really gone and when they are it's hell. Nothing feels right, you don't know what to do, it hurts to even think about them. You just sit there, tears soundlessly rolling down your face, trying not to let everything come crashing down. That's how I felt when dad died, and that's how I feel now. Even after years of losing my father it still stings. The pain never really goes away. Yes, it subsides once in a while but it lays heavy in your chest, giving out a dull ache every once in a while.

// and now for some shameless self promotion!
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