I woke up feeling exhausted. I glanced on my bed side table and found out it's 7:15 in the morning.
Inalis ko ang comforter at umupo sa kama.
What happened yesterday still etched on my mind. Kahit sa panaginip ko din kaya siguro I felt tired dahil kahit doon hindi ko matakasan ang sakit ng katotohanan.
I felt so betrayed sa nangyari. Iniisip ko kung anong nagawa kong mali kay Sean para gawin iyon- faking his death and now having that woman who's pregnant with his child. Nasakal ko ba sya? Have I said horrible things, enough for him to lie not only to me but also with his family?
Ganoon nya ba kamahal ang babae na para makasama ito ay nagpanggap sya, even changed his name to 'Marcus' para lang makawala sa akin? Napaka daming tanong na wala akong lakas ng loob itanong kay Sean. Litong - lito ako at ang tangi ko lang magagawa ay iiyak ang lahat. It's like I was left hanging on the cliff by the person I trust my heart most.
Slowly tears roll down my cheeks. I felt so weak inside like my heart was stomped and crushed repeatedly.
"Sean, bakit?" I whispered to my self as I cry for more.
"Baby?"
I turn my head fast towards the door, it even made me dizzy when I heard Axel's voice. He's holding a tray of breakfast with worry on his face.
He put down the tray on the table and walk towards me. He hugged me tight and I felt him kissed the top of my head.
"Tell me, what's wrong, baby please?" He said in frustration.
I badly need an outlet now. Masyadong malaki ang problemang ito para sa akin but I don't want to be more unfair with Axel. Yun nga lang na pinaasa ko ang nararamdaman nya sa akin ay sobra na, ano pa kaya kapag nalaman nyang ang lalaking mahal ko pa din hanggang ngayon ay buhay?
Sorry Axel not now...
I wiped my tears and shook my head. "Namimiss ko lang si Mamay..." I lied.
He looked at me intently as if he's reading my soul through my eyes. I'm afraid he might, so I look down and played with my fingers. I heard him sighed again as he took the tray of bacon and toast.
_______________________________
Later that day, I called Hugo and asked him to meet me up at the cafe near the office. Kailangan ko talaga ng masasabihan or else, I'll go insane. And I know Hugo is the right guy for this.
"Thanks for meeting me up after a short notice." Sabi ko nang mamataan ko si Hugo papalapit sa mesang inuokopa ko sa cafe. He ordered cafe americano first before he sat comfortably on his chair.
"So, what's the thing you want to talk about?" He said. Hindi ko alam pero pagtingin ko pa lang sa mata nya'y parang may sariling utak ang mga luha ko't isa-isa silang tumulo. I felt so pathetic right now and I really need someone who I can talk to about it and Hugo's my best friend aside from being my boss. Alam din nya ang tungkol kay Sean.
"I-I dont know how to say this. Hindi ko alam kung anong nagawa ko para maranasan to, Hugo. Hindi ko inisip na maeexperience ko ang ganitong bagay sa buhay ko..."
"Darling, you're talking in riddles..." Sabi nya habang nakakunot ang noong nakatingin sa akin. Dumating ang waitress at sinerve ang kape ni Hugo, enough time para ikalma ko ang sarili ko para makapagkwento ng maayos.
"S-sean's alive..."
Biglang nabitawan ni Hugo ang kutsaritang gamit nyang panghalo ng kape at may kalakasang tumunog iyon sa gilid ng tasa nya. Nanlalaki din ang mata nya sa gulat habang nakatingin sa akin.
"Darling, I know, what happend have been tough on your part, but alam natin pareho. Pareho tayo at ang pamilya nya ang nandoon nung libing nya. So, how can you say-"
"I saw him. I talked to him." Mabilis kong putol sa sinasabi nya.
"W-what? How?" Tanong nya. Ikinuwento ko lahat ng mga nangyari including the pregnant woman Sean's with at ang pag tawag nito sa kanyang 'Marcus'.
After ng pagkukwento ko'y tahimik lang si Hugo. Ako nama'y pilit kinakalma ang sarili. I felt light after kong masabi iyon pero I know hindi pa tapos lahat hanggat hindi nasasagot ni Sean ang mga tanong ko.
"So, ano nang plano mo ngayon?" Hugo asked after a long silence.
"Hindi ko alam... I wanna ask him tons of questions thats roaming on my head after our last encounter, but I don't have the courage to hear whatever his reasons are. Feeling ko lalo lang ako masasaktan."
"In my opinion, you should atleast give him the benefit of the doubt. You know Sean, he won't do things without reasons behind it. And whatever his reason might be, dapat tanggapin mo." He said matter-of-factly.
"You're a strong woman, Rienne. Whatever Sean might say may make you weak for awhile but that won't break you." Nakakaunawang tingin ang ibinigay sa akin ni Hugo.
