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Chapter Seventy

Chapter Seventy.

"Being delusional saved me."

••

"Zanokuhle...baby wake up." The voice of my husband pulls me back to consciousness. "There you are. Thank God."

I remember everything. The words that neighbour spoke, were still fresh in my head. I didnt know whether to cry or to be angry. Anger is good right?
I have the right to be pissed at Thokozani. I have every damn right to hurt him with my bare hands for this.

"Sthandwa sam, whats wrong? Breathe... breathe... look at me." He cups my face and makes me look at him. The confusion in his eyes is enough to tell me he doesn't know. He doesn't know Lu is gone. Her body is cold and we didn't know about it.

"Where's my phone?" I ask, noticing more than ever now that I was in hospital. Why do I have a bandage around my arm.

Ouch...okay it hurts.

"Here it is." He hands me the phone he dug out of my bag. I dont even say much as I begin searching frantically for anything. Maybe he texted us, emailed us...called us even and we somehow missed it. Maybe he told us ages ago of what happened to Luthando but our lives were just too preoccupied with garbage.

"Sthandwa sam, you're shutting me out."
"Im looking for something."
"Like what? Whats going on? You pass out and all the information I get is that my wife has been rushed to a hospital and now she's telling me that she's looking for something on her phone. Come on."
"Has Thokozani called you?"
"No. Why?"
"Because... because... Oh God." I breakdown right there and then into an ugly cry.

"She didn't deserve this Bangi. She didn't deserve death."
"What!"
"Luthando is dead Malinga," I swallow the lump in my throat.
"What do you mean dead? You went to see her."
"I didn't see her Bangi. His neighbour told me and I...that's when I passed out."

It's quiet in the room, and I watch all the colour from his face disappear.

"I need... Some air." he says, gets up and walks out of this room, leaving me to cry all over again by myself.

••••••••••••••••

The days pass by so slowly.

Till this very hour and moment I couldn't believe what we were dealing with.
The wound in my heart hurt more than the wound on my arm which was healing, unlike us.

I couldn't help but hold my baby closer and kiss her more than I ever did before.

I couldn't help but love her more than I ever have. I wanted to protect her with my soul because my life just didn't seem enough. This world was cruel enough to take a soul as young as Lu's, which clearly showed that no one on this entire planet had the might that God does.

I hated how our questions never got answered.

I hated how we now have to move on like she never existed... And deep down I couldn't help but blame myself for all of this. Maybe if I took her in to live with us she'd still be here.

"Sthandwa sam... Please sit up, You have to take your vitamins," Bangi interjects my thoughts, bottle in hand and a small smile on his lips.
"Thank you," I sit up, taking them from him and down them quickly. "Slipped my mind."
"That's why I'm here right?" he convinces me but once again my mind is back at it. I don't remember the last time we sat down and had a proper meal... Or even laughed till our tummies hurt in this building.

'I'm coming!' I remember saying before grabing my keys and hanging up on that idiot I thought I liked. We met by the passage, with Buhle helping Zonke keep up on her feet while she yelled and breathed loudly. Khaya peeked out of his room. I tossed the keys to him and told him to go start the car while I went back to fetch Zonke a bag I bought her for this baby.
I remember finding them by the front door.