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Chapter Twenty Nine.

Chapter Twenty Nine.

"A cow doesn't give milk. You have to milk it."

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I sniff, and look up as he made his way back to me holding a glass of water. I've been sitting here for the past few minutes feeling like...I don't know exactly. I probably felt as empty as an underperforming just-passing-some-time bunking-every-single-subject highschool learner coming to school with an empty bag. The bag would always hace a pack of cigarettes but no book in sight. I wish I could put into terms how my confrontation with Zonke made me feel but I just couldn't. Did I really have to burst out in tears and break down the way I did when I should've not felt a single dent from saying what was on my mind.

Bangi crouches in front of me, handing me the glass of water which I take with shaky hands. "Thank you." I clear the buildup in my throat before downing half of the water in one go feeling a tad better about myself. He looks at me, takes my hand into his hold and rubs my knuckles ever so gently. Searching for something within my eyes that only he knew.

He shakes his head slightly and lets out a sigh that could only portray his feelings. "Angithandi ngomkami." He says, butterflies and lilies coming out to play in my belly once again even at this very serious moment. There was just a way he said those words that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. "Angithandi ukuk'bona ukanje sthandwa sam."

I forgot he has seen me break down like this. Yes. I'm sure he's regretting marrying such a crybaby like me. He needed someone strong and hardheaded, not me. A space wasting marshmallow.

"I said I never want to see you cry and I meant it." He says taking my free hand and hold it tightly in his warm hands. "More especially because of people you care about but don't give a damn about."

"I know. I'm weak." I sniff and if looks could kill I would've been one with my ancestors at this moment. He frowned, eyes squinted as he bit on the insides of his mouth.

"Weak? I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth ever again you hear me." He says more than just asking me for my permission on this final judgement.
"You know it's true. I mean who breaks down at just saying a few words in the heat of things instead of standing their ground as firmly as possible. I should have had a heart and head of steel, hit her like she hit me without flinching but my weak ass couldn't even do that."

Look at that I'm crying again, proving my point exactly.

"Not being violent Sthandwa sam is not a sign of weakness. Speaking from a place of heartbreak, genuine care about your own blood is not a sign of weakness. I find you caring about others a turn on. It's something I appreciate my love and the fact that you don't stoop as low as she does is everything. It's not bad for you to stand up for yourself but sometimes its not worth the fight." He kisses the back of my hands and reaches up to wipe my tears away. "Please...stop crying sthandwa sam."

I shake my head. The more he talks like this the more I'll seriously keep flooding the river Jordan.

"You know all of this is really making me wish I could choose family. I wish I could chose my own path and not have to deal with igazi lami like this. Is that a bad thing to want?" I question and sniff before he wipes my tears away again.

"Not at all my love."
"Like I wish I could make them disappear. Especially Zonke. wouldn't you do that for me?" I ask.

Look at me wanting my man to play God Almighty and never create my sister.

I hear him chuckle. "Legally I can especially after hearing what she said to you but this won't be what you need my love. Making her go away is not going to just fix everything."
"Legally you can?" I think my eyes are too wide.
"Yes." He says without even flinching a muscle.
"That's too much power."
"Power I've never used before...and I doubt I'd ever use."