Welcome to the Jungle, Sweetheart

Curious

Axl laid in his bed, indecisive about which position to sleep in. He kept tossing and turning about, throwing his blankets off of him, one second shivering, the next sweating. But it wasn't a fever that was keeping him awake.

He was telling himself that his body was just restless or he wasn't tired, but he knew that his mind was what was restless. He was thinking about Slash of course, although he wasn't sure why.

          Why did Slash kiss me? He probably didn't even know what he was doing, he was incredibly drunk after all. He was probably just horny and drunk. Yeah... Yeah, that makes sense. He would have fucked his cousin with that amount of alcohol. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time...Or.... Was it the right place at the right time? What!? No! That's fucking ridiculous! I was just tucking him in and he was so drunk that he kissed me, that's it... But...It did feel kinda good... Wait, no! That's wrong! This is not okay! I should not have enjoyed it! But... It did feel good. I think it did anyway. Is that wrong? I think so. He's my best friend after all. And... ahem... We're both guys. That's a bit of a problem. And neither of us are gay so there's that too. And if I'm not gay, then I shouldn't have liked it. But... I really think I did. Does that mean I'm... gay?

          Axl thought about that last bit for a little while. Am I gay? Axl didn't think he was gay. In fact he strongly doubted it. It just sounded wrong. But was he? He couldn't recall ever having had an attraction to men, romantically or sexually. But he did kinda like it when Slash had touched him like that, more than if any girl had.

Axl always had a lot of sex with girls, if he'd ever done anything with a guy he would've had to have been very drunk, too drunk to remember. Kinda like how Slash was.

Axl drank a lot though, had a lot of sex, and hung out with Slash a lot. I guess it didn't seem too far fetched to do... something, with him.

But still, it's weird. And why him? Why wouldn't it be like, Duff, or Steven, or Izzy? I guess Slash and Axl were always the closest of the other guys. And they did always mess around and stuff, like that one time they pretended they were having an affair to the pizza delivery girl. That was fun.

They could very well actually end up having an affair after drinking too much, after the original little playful flirtiness became a little too sexual.

          But what really happened was that, because Axl had such frequent and casual sex with those same types of girls, it almost became... boring. Of course it was sex, it was nice, it was fine, but it was just nothing special anymore. It was predictable. Axl missed the early days of it, like when the girl you like kisses you for the first time, or you're a virgin and she just touched you like that and you feel your face getting really warm and all tingly, those days where it was all so exciting. Axl didn't just miss them. He craved them.

          There was never anything exciting left in sex, it was just the same, sure, it'll feel good, but there just wasn't any excitement anymore. But... when Slash had touched him and kissed him, it was new, different, hot, it was, well... Exciting.

Like, a special breed of exciting, like it was making his skin all tingly and he felt like he was sleeping on needles, and everything inside him was all fluttery like he were falling from the sky.

Butterflies was the word his brain conjured.

He always thought it was so cliché to use the term butterflies in your stomach in talking about a person. Only for ten-year-old girls with a crush on the sexy English teacher. But he definitely felt fluttery. It was that excitement that was still dancing through his veins and made him feel queasy.

The excitement.

And Axl really liked it.

He was so fucking curious as to what it would be like. He was curious what it would be like to have sex with a guy, that's what he told himself anyway. But he was honestly, just curious as to what it was like to have sex with...Slash.

He pushed the thought out of his head, because just the sentence made him anxious and his stomach tightened with the worry. Every time he thought of the idea, his brain scrambled all over the place trying to think; It gave him a headache and made him nauseous with anxiety.

But he felt that curiosity sitting on the edge of his tongue and gnawing at the bottom of his stomach, until he thought it was going to kill him. But was it really so bad to be just a little curious?

          No, no... It is bad, it's selfish is what it is. I couldn't do that to Slash, just because I'm bored. I couldn't do that to him. He's my best friend. There's just so many reasons why I shouldn't... Indulge. But... He was the one who kissed me, could that mean that maybe, he's a little curious too?

          Axl shook the thought from his head, shoving his face into his pillow, groaning. "Errrrrf... What the fuck is wrong with meeeeee..."

Axl rolled over onto his back. He tried to clear his mind but he just couldn't. He wanted to stop thinking, to just be done letting his mind wander like that. He just wanted to go to sleep now and forget about it. But he really doubted that he could sleep at all tonight.

He sat up with a deep sigh laced with regret, letting his feet fall to the cold, hardwood floor. He eventually willed himself to stand, and he left his room. He wasn't even sure what he was doing anymore, but his mind just kinda stepped aside and let things happen.

          He opened the door next to his and walked inside, carefully shutting the door behind him. He pulled the blankets back and climbed on top of Slash.

Slash picked his head up dazedly, "Huh?" he mumbled.

Axl closed Slash's eyes for him with his hand. "Shhhh, go back to sleep fuckhead." Slash rested his head back down again and within seconds, as if on command, he fell asleep again.

          Axl laid down on top of Slash, curling up tightly with his knees close to his body. Axl sighed, nestling closer to him, resting the side of his face on his chest. He relaxed more, listening to Slash's calm heartbeat, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Slash's chest to his slow, steady breaths.

And he felt comforted when Slash had put his arm over Axl's back in his sleep. Axl could feel the weight of his arm on his back. Damn he was strong. Or... Axl was just small. Actually, he really doubted that Slash even felt him there at all. He figured Slash must think he was just a little stuffed animal.

He probably shouldn't be there, and yet, there he was. But at least now his brain was relatively relaxed enough until he could finally manage to fall asleep. And that's all he really was trying to do, go to sleep.

At least, that's what he told himself anyway.