Watch the bright eyes as they slowly sink into sleep
And that same old silence that I've come to know
Every time I find it when there's nowhere left to go
or
" I wish I could hate you even half as much...
As weirdly therapeutic as this has been for the last year and a half, I think this is going to be my last time writing to you. I'm going to spend the rest of my life missing you, E. I hope to whatever God there might be that one day I can think about you and remember how happy you made me and not the fact that i'll have to mourn you for longer than I ever knew you. Maybe one day i'll be able to say your name and look at pictures of you without immediately having a breakdown.
It won't be today, or tomorrow, or even next year. But hopefully that day will come and maybe then i'll get the courage to come visit you again. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing that, by the way. I've only managed to go twice since it happened, and I don't want you to feel like you don't deserve to be remembered. Your mother told me that you'd understand, and if you didn't, then you'd have to hate her too.
And even though I haven't been to see you since your birthday, I need you to know that it isn't because I don't love you. I love you so goddamn much and i'm constantly stuck arguing with myself over wishing to go back in time and meet you all over again and wishing that I had never met you.
The second option would be a lot less painful, but I don't care. I would choose you every single time despite knowing where things would go.
I would choose you, E. Every single time
You being gone isn't something that I think i'll ever fully recover from. You made such a big impact on my life that I don't think I could ever forget you if I tried. And trust me, I won't ever try to do that. You deserve to be remembered, E. And I hope you know how much I fucking miss you.
Even though I couldn't have you until the end, i'm still glad you were such a big part of my life. I'll be forever thankful that I got the chance to love you for as long as I did. It wasn't enough time, but I don't think it ever would of been.
I know i've said that i'll spend the rest of my life missing you quite a few times in these letters, and it's true. But you should know that i'll spend the entire time remembering you too.
I hope you're at peace, wherever you are.
I love you forever.
Love, Will
A/N
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
