EIGHT ;
sorry.
E,
I'm sorry about the last letter. I didn't mean it, I promise. I don't think I could ever truly hate you, even though I really wish I could sometimes. I'm especially sorry for saying I was glad you're gone. I hope you know that I didn't mean it—that i could NEVER mean it. Life has just been so fucking hard the past few months and it's scaring the hell out of me that it's already been seven months. Time has been...weird to put it simply. It's felt like no time has passed at all while simultaneously feeling like i've aged thirty years. It's weird and I don't know how to feel about it.
It's been getting bad again lately. But this time, I saw it coming from a mile away. Your birthday is in a few months and I already know its going to be awful. I don't know how i'm going to deal with it, but I was thinking of maybe staying with James or even flying back home for a few days. I don't think I want to be alone, but just in case I do I want to be sure i'm around someone who isn't going to take it personally.
Also, i'm sorry for it taking me this long to apologize for being an asshole before. I'm sorry I haven't been writing to you as much lately, but Sienna said that maybe I should try channeling my grief into my music. At first, I had thought it was a good idea. You always wanted me to write a song about you, and I always said I would.
...I just don't know how I feel about it being this specific type of song. And yeah, I know I kind of make my whole brand on writing about my life tragedies, but none of them have ever been as devastating as this one. I don't know if this is the type of raw pain I want other people to hear. I don't think i'd want them to relate to it, either.
I wouldn't wish this pain on anybody, E. Not even my worst enemy.
But in the end, i'm at least glad it's not you being forced to deal with this. Even though I have selfishly wished that you knew what it felt like to mourn someone you loved as much as I love you.
I love you, even though i'm mad at you a lot now.
Yours,
Will
YOU ARE READING
𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐒, w.soot
FanfictionWatch the bright eyes as they slowly sink into sleep And that same old silence that I've come to know Every time I find it when there's nowhere left to go or " I wish I could hate you even half as much...
