𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐒, w.soot

FOUR.

FOUR ;
funeral.

E,

This has been bothering me for a long time and i've been meaning to bring it up, but i've been having a hard time thinking about it every time i've tried.

I didn't go to your funeral. I don't know if you would hate me for that or not, but I couldn't bring myself to see you again. Not like that.

I've been using the excuse that I want my last memory of you to be one where you're alive and breathing, but in reality? I'm just a coward. I'm sorry if that was awful of me to miss it, but it was the one type of self torture I couldn't force myself to endure.

I hate to admit it, but I haven't been dealing with this entire situation in a healthy way. ( That was a nice way of saying I haven't been dealing with it at all ). These letters are pretty much the only way i'll willingly talk about you, which is ironic because I could never shut up about you before. I guess the circumstances are different now, though. Everything is. My therapist says i've been avoiding my issues too much for it to be considered healthy, along with my fucked up sleep schedule. It's either I sleep all day, or I don't sleep for several days in a row.

I'm sorry.

I know you wouldn't want this for me. I know that if I could think straight, I wouldn't want this for me, either. That doesn't change the reality of the situation, unfortunately.

I'm sorry if i'm disappointing you.

I love you.

Yours,
Will