Ouran gets assassins

Exam time! (Part 1)

I was out serving tea, for once with the other hosts today. They made me dress in a frilly maid outfit though, so that was uncomfortable. I was over by hikaru and kaouru, when kaouru spilled some tea on his finger. "Kaouru." He brought the finger to his lips, and started to blow on it. "Honestly kaouru, you have to be more careful. From now on keep your eyes on me okay?" 

"Yes hikaru." 

"Ah! I can't look, it's too overwhelming!"

"You have to look, this might be your only chance! Who knows when it might happen again!"

"You are absolutely right madam. All beauty is fleeting. Just take a look at these cherry blossoms. You'll never see them this vibrant again. And that's why, I've compiled this picture book that captures the photos of each passing day. Incidentally, I've prepared photobooks of the other hosts as well. And if you ladies are interested in collecting all four of them, I'll discount the whole set for you."

"I'll take one!"

"Me too please!"

"Well now we knowhow the club makes extra money."

"But I have to wonder."

"When did he have time to take photos of us?" 

"Hidden cameras." They looked at me. "What? Did you guys not know?" 

"No, we had no idea." 

"Karma and I are pretty observant, so it was easy to tell if you know what to look for." They looked at me skeptically, but shrugged it off. I continued to serve tea and snacks while others did their jobs, before the twins pulled me and karma over to haruhi. 

"So have you guys chosen your elective courses for this term?"

"How about conversational French?"

"I dunno."

"Already speak it."

"Nah."

"Aww come on! I think the five of us should take it together. I mean it makes perfect sense since we are in the same class." They looked behind them, glaring at tamaki. I rolled my eyes. They tried to persuade us further, until haruhi was taken by tamaki.

"Listen haruhi, I want you to stop hanging out with those shady twins from now on! And stay away from karma!"

"Who are you calling shady?!" 

"Yeah take a good look at yourself boss!" Karma had a devilish smile on his face. If he had horns, we'd be able to see them. I looked at him, and tried to grab him before he put chili peppers up someone's nose. Again. 

"Later."

"Yes, that's it. Alright then, we can't go on hiding the fact that your a girl from everyone any longer! All daddy wants if for you to go back to being the girl you used to be! Surrounding yourself with girlfriends and start leading a wholesome life! So do it, change back now!"

"Who are you calling 'daddy'?"

"You don't have to rush things, she's going to be found out soon enough."

"Physical exams are the day after tomorrow."

"Physical exams?" I knew about this, and I had a separate clinic set up by the headmaster here. If keeping my secret was what it took to find the creeps, then that's what we'd do. 

"That's right I forgot all about it." 

"Then that means, there's no doubt, they're gonna know that I'm really a girl."  She didn't seem to care in the slightest though. 

Later, when we came back in with haruhi after studying with her, tamaki grabbed her by the shoulders. "Don't you worry haruhi, we're determined to make sure nobody finds out you're a girl during tomorrows physical exams! So please, promise you'll stay our beloved secret princess!" She blinked. 

"Sure." 

"You know what? I think both of us would be a little peeved to watch all the guys flirt with her." 

"Then that settles it." They pulled out a whiteboard out of seemingly nowhere, like korosensei used to do with his sweets. I smiled a little at it, but it was bittersweet. When I looked back up, I saw they were writing on a board. 

"Listen up squad members. At tomorrow's physical exams, position yourselves in position 'A'. And then wait for your orders."

"Yes sir!" I internally facepalmed, but then started thinking. If it were me in haruhi's position, would they be as protective? I can't risk it, but they probably would be. 

"I've got it. You guys are worried cause if they find out I'm a girl I can't be a host and therefor can't repay my debt!" They started to calculate how much they still owed. It was a lot, but kamra and I could pay it back no prob seeing as we're working for the government. But, saying that would blow our cover, so that can't happen. "Well, guess I'll have to come up with another way to pay you back." They started laughing. 

"Do something, the subject doesn't appear to have any motivation!" 

"Ugh, why'd we get stuck with suck a difficult heroine? Are you saying that you hate being a host?! That you hate this club?!"

"Honestly I'd have to say yes." Tamaki deflated. "I mean you guys aren't bad but if it gets out I'm a girl there's nothin I can do, you know?" 

"She doesn't seem to care one way or another!"

"Well before we do anything else we have to find a way to motivate her."

"Fancy tuna." Mori said. Haruhi gasped, and I smiled. knowing your opponents weaknesses is a good tool. Mori and honey, being martial arts masters, must know this well. 

"Oh that's right! You didn't get a chance to eat any at the party last week, did you?" 

"Did you hear that? She's never eaten fancy tuna before isn't that awful?" 

"Wow, talk about a difficult childhood." 

"If only haru-chan could stay in the club, then she'd have the chance to eat all sorts of yummy things!" 

"What are you talking about, don't be silly! Just because I'm poor and I've never had it doesn't mean I'm so much of a glutton I'd go on fooling everyone about my gender just to try some fancy tuna!" They laughed nervously, obviously about to crack. "Will I really get to try it?"