Healed//l.h a.u

chapter thirteen

Luke;

//warning this chapter is very emotional and deals with triggering issues//

I had a perception of how difficult it was to devote my life to a girl who was intertwined with mental illness but now, with my mind drowned in an overdose of memories I feel as if it becomes harder when you lose them. I was deeply invested in Blaze, I found beauty in her eyes even when they held such resentment to the wonders of the world. The scars that covered her skin, were not disgusting to me but sad in the sense that she had to shield them from the judgmental world with makeup. I loved her. I loved her with the knots in her hair and when she was so inebriated that her mouth didn't remember the pronunciation of my name.

Before Blaze reentered my life, I blamed her entirely for the ache the revolved around me but now, as our relationship begins to form, I realize it was her illness that broke me. Because when you give your heart to a person who is mentally sick you start to see the world in their eyes and the gloom they have begins to creep up on you.

The worst sadness I have, is when I am placed in this trance of how my world once was.

"Luke, stop it!" A crack in her voice released a sob from her trembling lips.

"Blaze," I whispered, my hand cradling her wet cheek. "You can't live like this baby."

She sniffled, a strand of her hair falling onto her face, sticking to her temple. "Where's my purpose here in this fucked up world anyway Luke?

If only this stubborn girl who sat here in front of me knew that her purpose was much more than she would ever understand. If only she was aware of how she changed me to be this person that in my dreams I aspired to be. If only she knew that yes, she was shattered but I was more than willing to cut my hands to pick up her pieces if she just let me.

"Exactly." Blaze dryly scoffed after the pause I took. "Things would be much easier if I was dead."

"Bubs, please don't think like that-"

"You know, I'm just a shit load of a burden to you and everyone else. God if only I torn my skin deeper and drank the bottle further-"

"Stop." I pleaded. "Blaze you need to stop that. You know how much you mean to me."

Blaze begins to weep, I watch as her body begins to shake as if it is reacting to the pain that bottles inside her. I slowly pull her to my chest, the wetness that spreads across my sweatshirt doesn't faze me as her lips cry out her deadly wishes into my heart...

"Sir, are you okay? You seem a little sick." I snap up my head to be faced with an old, tall man.

"I'm okay." I respond, my voice distant as I look at the man behind the bar.

His hand grazes over his gray stubble, his brown eyes investigating my expression. "Could I help you to another drink?"

I know I should deny his offer but the temptation is too controlling. "Yeah that'd be great."

The man disappeared, leaving myself to the seclusion that roamed along the counter top that felt cold against my bare arms. My hands wrapped around the glass filled with the liquid that would silence the voices in my head. The drink was smooth against my dry throat, allowing my voice not to be that stiff. My fingers copied the rhythm of the music that flowed throughout the small bar.

To distract myself from the events from the past that rolled themselves into my head, my eyes moved along the small area. I studied this couple at a table towards the corner, impatience spread across the glossy eyes of a blonde man who sat across a frighten brunette. I couldn't battle the urge to look away, especially when his movements became sharper. I watched as the girl grew annoyance and pushed back her chair, her heels leading to the sign that pointed to the exit.