Healed//l.h a.u

chapter eight

Blaze;

//this chapter goes over the topic of abuse and I also suggest listening to the song while reading//

What really was love? Was it the feeling fallen deeply in your chest when the person you adored smiled as they said your name. Was it the tears that swelled your exhausted eyes when you tried to sort out the foreign emotions circling your confused thoughts? Was it the strength that made you willing to accept apologizes from the one who hurt you? There was a definition in the dictionary for the word love, but did the printed explanation match the feelings you had?

At sixteen, I was attached to a boy who wore a façade to disguise his problems. It took a while to accept the fact I wasn't the cause of him becoming such a hateful man. I had to learn, that the dark hollowness was lingering inside him long before I arrived. But even with the pain my heart was still invested in the boy who held my contentment. That's why all I ever did was create excuses for his toxic behaviors and look where that got him; a depressed millionaire who holds the happiness of thousands and can't even go day without being drunk.

It had been a week and a half since that night I shared my feelings of the past with Luke. The process was difficult, words that expressed how I felt were hard to find and not any easier to voice. He had a lot of questions, ones that left me over analyzing the decisions I had made when him and I were together. Luke had mentioned the idea of friendship, but the reason behind that was unclear since he had this whole new life and so did I. I just didn't know if I wanted to be associated with someone so unmindful.

Gray masked over the sky as water droplets released from the numerous clouds. My eyes fixated on the water that hit the windows, creating a soothing melody that helped eased my loud thoughts. The scent of coffee welcomed my nose as I turned my head to the direction of my grandmother walking into the living room with two mugs with noticeable heat leaving them. A sincere smile morphed on her painted lips as she noticed the dialogue of my body.

She sat down on the couch, eyes focused as she noted. "You've been thinking a lot this past week."

I nodded, there wasn't a need for words.

"About Luke isn't it?" She questioned and smirked when I blinked twice at the sound of his name.

I swallowed, cautious to speak the truth. "Yeah. I actually talked to him one on one two weeks ago."

"I know," Nana grinned at the shock that plastered itself on my flushed face. "I saw you leave but decided not mention anything till you spoke up."

"And you're not mad?" I asked, my fingers running along the cup placed on my lap.

"At first, a little. But, I do know how you're attracted to danger."

I didn't reply to her words. My eyes diverted to the storm outside, observing it through the blurriness of the raindrops and the harsh swaying of the palm trees that surrounded our house. The disruption the weather was causing resembled how it felt to have Luke present in my new life. Because the weather can sometimes be so relaxing but within a few seconds it can destroy anything.

The minute of silence sent courage in my mouth to speak again.

I exhaled, "He doesn't know." I said bluntly. "Luke has no idea that he hit me."

To my surprise, my grandma scoffed as she adjusted the bracelets on her wrist. "That is a lie Blaze and baby I know deep down you know that too."

"I've said it once but I guess I'll say it again, Luke was always an angry drunk. He had already had alcohol streaming his veins before he found out the news and his resentment didn't help. Then, from Ashton, I found out that he just drank more and more to submerge the pain and ended up falling down the stairs that night which injured his head. The doctor said he wouldn't have memory of that day and when he woke up the next morning in the hospital jumbled and frightened, the boys told him my mom forced me to go to rehab."

The words that left the tip of my tongue, were enough to make my stomach churn. I observed how the truth triggered some sensation kept in my grandmother's heart by the way she remanded soundless, having her eyesight stuck on the fidgeting of her hands. I wanted to say something, but with the events of that day spoken I was trapped in the memory of that scene that forever affected who I was.

She broke the quietness, the crack in her typical strong tone gathered my attention to the gloss in her russet eyes.

"You remind me of the girl I once was."

I watched her, dwelled with misperception and eagerness to know what she was talking about.

"The relationship I had with your grandfather wasn't one made for the novels. That man showed me hell itself though I still hope he rests in peace." She whispered, her forgiving hands placed above mine.

There were a few things I remembered about my grandfather before he crossed over when I turned eight. He was a tall, skinny man with eyes so green I swore the forest was behind them. He had thick brown tresses that his dried hands would always gel back in the mornings. His voice was low, deep with authority and never broke, even when he was fuming. But the thing that struck me the most was his smile, it never coordinated with the way his eyes appeared. His eyes could scream black but his grin would shout white.

Though the recalls between him and my grandmother were vague, I guessed. "He hit you."

"Towards the last years of his life, no. But those man's words hurt more than his drunken beatings."

"How does this relate to my relationship- previous relationship- with Luke?" I asked, bending forward.

My Nana breathe out, "I found out I was pregnant with your mother when I was fourteen and he was eighteen." I could tell she was hesitant to share her thrilling past by the way her hands jerked. "He was furious; wanting nothing to do with me for about four months."

"But my great-grandparents supported you?" I inquired.

"Of course. I will not lie, I did earn a mouthful for having a child at the age I was. Though a problem couldn't be found because my father was a wealthy business man and my mother offered to take care of your mother till I finished school."

I bobbed my head as she continued. "Your grandfather's parents were beyond mad, they thought I shouldn't have kept your mother; that we were too young. So whenever his parents would hurt him, he would do the same on me; claiming I deserved the same pain."

The agony in the tone of her voice made my heart throb. "You don't need to finish your story Nana."

"I still saw the beauty in him. After all the shouts, bruises, punches, broken bones, I still found something memorizing about him and always handed out excuses for his lethal activities." My nana stopped, tears clouding the eyes that gazed into my terrified ones. "But God I loved him and kept taking him back over and over again. Punch after punch, cut after cut."

"I-I still don't g-get it. Where does Luke and I fall into place?" I timidly asked.

"You ran away from what could have been a bad situation, but now you're turning back."

"Grandma, I-"

"I see John Winters in Luke Hemmings and I pray to God you don't become Amy Winters."

--

If anyone is confused John is the grandfather and Amy is the grandmother!!

I hope you all liked this chapter even though I don't think it was that good ://

q.o.t.d

opinion on the new emojis??

I think theyre amazing bc it supports equality between color and sexuality (:

goals ((hopefully I reach it this time))

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peace, sex w mikey & drugs