Healed//l.h a.u

chapter one

Luke;

(i posted the playlist for this book, link will be in author's note)

 When you’re a teenager, hopelessly in love, your sense of direction is unclear but your mind that is fooled by the captivation you’re stuck in doesn’t realize it. The walls you consumed your early adolescent years building, crumble. You allow yourself to be enveloped by this vulnerability that heartbreak couldn’t even demolish. The beauty in life, the understanding of your thoughts, and your ability to handle the difficulties life molds and throws at you gradually fades. It’s because when you’re in love with someone, you trust them with everything. All you see, feel for and want is them. So, when everything comes to place, and your heart is no longer beating with pure happiness because they strolled out of the darkness they created for you with it; you’re lost. And you’re shattered and mainly just want to lean against the cave that leisurely shelters you from any light and sob out every damn vocal you can.

 When I was sixteen, I assumed pain was watching the love of my life have this need to injure herself in order to feel any sensation. Now, being nineteen and currently drunk, I recognize that pain is silence. Not the quietness that alters into this ringing that fills your ears, but not hearing any words stream out of the mouth you longed to see. You feel as if a piece of you is missing and it can only come back if you encounter a few words with the person who is accountable for taking a part of your sanity. I tried making myself noticeable to her, whether it were to have a one night stand just because I knew it would cover every newspaper or mention our forbidden love in a hit single. It was all a fail though because my phone never flashed the five letters.

 How I felt was pathetic, I was aware of this because my tongue felt foreign each time I voiced emotions that trembled out of my mouth. I couldn’t control it though and it drove me utterly insane to the point where I wished I could leave my mind. For a few months, washing away my beliefs with any alcohol or drugs my hands could reach, worked, but only for a few hours. Two years later, nothing works. Possibly because my system had become numb to the buzz those substances gave me but I didn’t care, I still intoxicated my body.

 My weary eyes studied the droplets of cold liquid that glided down the crystal clear glass that rested in front of me. My fingertips tapped slowly along the marble counter, my mind disregarding the scene around me. The deafening music that traveled throughout the packed bar, full of instable whores and perverted men had no effect on me, even when my song came on. My attention wasn’t grabbed till a vibration happened in my pocket, I groaned when I noticed the caller.

 “Yes, Tiffany?” I rolled my eyes at the sigh that filled the receiver.

 “Baby when are you coming back to the hotel? I’m lonely and the fans are really loud! Calum went out looking for you, he’s kind of worried. I miss you, you’ve been gone since one and now it’s five-  it’s the morning Luke!”

 “Tiffany, shut up please. You’re giving me a headache.” I grumbled, glaring at a mid-age couple who looked at me in disbelief.

 “Sorry baby.” I could picture a light pink spreading across her face. “Do you want me to pick you up?” She asked, her tone soft but I could detect the rush of eagerness.

 “Calum can, I just texted him. He’s already next door.”  

 “Alright Bubs.” Tiffany giggled.

 “Please, don’t call me that.” I winced and quickly hung up.

 With the end of that call, I was on the verge of being pronounced wasted and depressed.

 It marked three years last night. Three agonizing years since I could say her name without breaking down. Three years since her soft lips pressed against mine. Three years since I played with the russet curls that would cascade down her pale skin. Three years since I’ve slept without nightmares. Three years since I’ve felt the relaxation that came from her voice. And three years since I’ve felt some type of contentment.

 My sore back hunched over, my quivering hand clenched around the cup that held my three seconds of bliss. I swallowed the reminder of the liquid before I felt an acquainted touch. I positioned my head to see Calum. He smiled, although I noticed the tiredness that was heavy in his almond eyes.

 “I know why you came here, I’m sorry.” Cal whispered, rubbing my shoulder blade.

 I hastily wiped away the tear that escaped the crease of my eye. “Can we go? Like now.” I ordered and he complied without hesitation.

 His strong arms assisted me when I stood up from the stool and held onto me when I stumbled out of the bar. Chants were heard the moment Calum’s tattooed hand gripped the handle of the front exit, an anxious expression took over his face when his eyes overviewed the crowd. One of our security guards struggled to meet us, but when he did a roar waved over us. Immediately we were greeted with shouts, pleads and flashing of bright lights that illuminated our petrified faces. The space we had decreased every step we took in the thin air, causing my breaths to become irregular. I felt a sharp pain at the top of my head, reality poured over me and I noticed someone pulled out a few strands of my hair.

 “Calum I can’t breathe!” I gasped, having Rob, one of our men scream louder to get the people to move back.

 “Only a few more steps Hemmo, everything is okay.” Calum informed me lightly, holding up my fragile body.

The moment Cal boosted myself into the tinted vehicle, I gathered my rumbling thoughts and waited for all doors to be shut and locked. With a nod from Calum my head fell into my hands and I let everything go. The only noise that surrounded us the rest of the drive were my cries and no comment was made.

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 https://8tracks.com/bruisedmalum/healed

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