Healed//l.h a.u

chapter fourteen

Blaze;

An addict is always an addict, even if their eyes are bright with liveliness and never touch the product that brought them to a world of self-destruction ever again. This is because the want for those items will always be etched into their hearts, but they manage to cope with it from the advice they gathered from recovery. There are days, where the urge to fill your body with lethal substances becomes so large that all you can do is isolate yourself from the wonders of the world. You know you have comprehend the concept of recovery when you allow yourself to have those days off from the rigid schedule of life.

I found myself breaking away from others when the memories of my life with a boy I swear controlled the beating of my heart found itself in my mind. I couldn't help it, the flashbacks of the events we shared were too powerful to ignore. All the arguments, laughs, sex and the fight that tore us apart always proved to show how they would never be forgotten with the tears that poured from my eyes. And maybe it was good to release the pain that way, at least that's what I kept telling myself today.

When my grandmother left earlier this afternoon for a meeting that would result to the house being mine for two days, I felt more alone than I have in a while. She had been the person I confined my feelings in ever since I decided moving back here was the right decision. When she would cradled my body as my sobs created a melody only beautiful to my inner demons, I felt safe; safe from myself. Because at the end of the day, the biggest villain in my life was me.

Sitting in my living room, surrounded by the sound that came from my television my eyes were lured to the raindrops that slid against the windows. The night looked so peaceful, as the swaying of the branches created a soothing rhythm against the roof. My attention was pulled away from the scene as a knock came from the front door. Confused, I proceeded to raise myself from the couch and walk towards the sound.

I rolled up the sleeves of my gray sweatshirt as I pushed open the door.

"Blaze."

I was greeted by a soaked, teary eyed Luke.

"Luke." I said, a frown threating to take over my lips. "Come in."

I didn't even care that as he stumbled into my home, mud trailed from his untied shoes. I didn't care that water fell from the tip of his hair and onto my floor. I didn't even care that it was almost midnight and he came to my door unexpected. All I cared about was if he was okay as he stood in front of me looking more disheveled than I could picture him being.

"I-" He took a profound breath. "We need to talk."

I nodded my head, gesturing him to sit on the couch where I situated myself. He smiled softly, the pain seeming too substantial for him to even fake pleasure. I waited for him to gather himself, not wanting to put stress on him.

"No one really told me what happened that night." Luke didn't face me, a tear grazing down his flushed cheek. "They just said you left because your mother forced you to go to treatment and me being the fucking idiot I am, I believed them."

All I did was nod, remembering the night Ashton informed me on the protective lie they created for their fragile friend.

"That's not true, is it Blaze?" His voice was sharp but heavy with the sorrow he must have carried. "I remember waking up that morning, jolting up if you want to be honest because I didn't feel the warmth of your skin against mine. My head hurt like hell as I was faced with Michael and Calum, which was really confusing because they hated each other at the time because of Rain. They said I chased you." Luke's voice grew lower as he faced me, looking directly at my widening eyes. "I didn't chase you, right Blaze?"

I swallowed, feeling as if my throat was too dry to talk. Shaking my head timidly he sighed.

"No one told me, if you were wondering. I was at a bar this morning and this couple got into a heated argument and he hit her. Which I assumed sparked my memory." He informed me, his eyes brimming with tears.

I nodded my head, observing how he still had something to say.

"I am disgusted with myself, honestly Blaze I am." He shook his head in defeat, sniffling.

"I- I don't know what to say, Luke." I whispered, afraid to hurt him even more.

"I never could understand how someone as beautiful and loved as you could self-mutilate, till one night I realized you weren't the only one who was bruised."

With his words, his hands gradually dragged up his sleeves, allowing my eyes to witness what only appeared in my daunting nightmares.

"Luke!" I gasped, not being able to hold in the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

My hands began to quiver, my eyes clouded as I reached out for one of his injured arms.

"Luke," I croaked. "We have to clean these up, they can get infected."

He complied, his body weak as he struggled to hold himself up as we left the living room. I kept my thoughts to myself, scared that if I spoke I would say something that would affect the both of us. My heart was heavy as the boy who was once my rock was in desperate need of one.

Reaching the bathroom, he slowly made his way in as I turned on the light. He sat on the large sink, his arms bare as I grabbed the first aid kit from our linnet closet and pulled out all the necessary materials. Though, it caused great agony to, I focused on his wounds as I applied cream on them that would clean them out and relieve his pain. I was cautious wrapping the gaze around his cuts, already hearing the whimpers that shook off his lips.

Finishing, my hand cradled his warm cheek. "Luke, I know how you must feel but this wasn't the solution."

He closed his eyes, bobbing his head as he whispered. "I deserved it, I finally needed to feel the pain I gave others."

I shook my head in disagreement. "No one deserves to hurt themselves. You were a kid who made careless mistakes, you still have so much time to make up for it." I pressed my lips together, frantically attempting to stop the sob lingering on my tongue.

"I messed up so much. I was a jerk to you, my friends, Tiffany, my parents- fuck!"

"Luke, breathe. It's alright, I have you. It's okay." I whispered, hugging him.

"I never meant to hurt you. God Blaze I know that doesn't sound like enough but I never meant to. God I hate myself for what I did." Luke cried.

I rubbed his back gently, reassuring him. "I did a lot of fucked up shit, but I changed. You can too, don't look past that idea."

Luke removed himself from our embrace, with a deep exhale he announced. "I broke up with Tiffany."

"Why?" I asked, bringing my hands to wipe under my eyes.

"I wasn't fair to her, my heart belongs to you. It always has."

"Luke I-"

"I love you Blaze, too much, but fuck I'm so in love with you I don't care. You are such a beautiful person, inside and outside. You are kind hearted and understanding. I want you, all of you. I- I don't feel home without you, I feel lost, like a void is inside me. And the only time that void is filled to the slightest is when I've seen you."

The emotions were real as they circled my heart, "Luke, I- I"

"I know, you probably think I'm so pathetic-"

"No I love you. Luke I love you."

-

im actually pretty proud of this chapter and can't wait to write the next one!

i hope you all liked this chapter!!!

goal

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