The Grey- Noah Sebastian

twenty three

*Sutton's POV*

A few days after Olivia died, there was a candlelit vigil for her. It was a nice way for the community to grieve together, even if they didn't feel close enough to the family to attend the funeral.

Vigils are a lot more casual, so I chose to wear an Our Last Night shirt that we got the last time we saw them under my large jacket, since this January has been brutal. Callie, Vaden, and O picked me up. I didn't bother with makeup and left my hair in a beanie. I felt like a shell of myself. Vaden held my hand the whole way in the backseat.

It was on the football field of our high school, bringing back so many tangible memories for me. Us feeling like we were too cool to sit in the bleachers of football games, but walking around the track just hanging out and talking for hours. I still hear her laugh.

I saw her mom and as soon as she met my eyes, she stopped the conversation she was having, came over to hug me, and we cried together for a minute. She pulled away and took in my appearance, the sadness overcoming her as she realized how torn up I had been.

"Hi, sweetie," she finally said. "She loved you so much, you know that right?" All I had in me was to nod my head, I didn't have a response. "We all did that absolute most that we could, I do not want you to feel bad about anything. She just didn't have any fight anymore," she said, letting another sob escape her. I was crying harder, knowing that this woman has always been such a joy and is dealing with the most painful loss. I hugged her tightly again, not knowing the right words to say. "Thank you for always making her happy," she said right into my ear. We eventually pulled away, letting her drift to other conversations. It must be so shitty to hear "I'm so sorry for your loss" a million times over.

I clung to my friends the whole night, briefly talking to acquaintances from high school as they came up, but I didn't have the energy to keep going in circles with people. I hate how people keep asking me if I'm okay over and over, but how is one supposed to feel when a part of your soul has died?

Christopher eventually found me, and when he locked eyes with me, the flood gates opened yet again for both of us. We didn't even say anything at first, we just hugged each other tightly and sobbed. I grieved all the times we hung out together, all the times that Olivia would rant about him putting her things in the wrong places, and all the times we coexisted peacefully. Eventually he did the same as his mom, examining me to check on me, being displeased at how torn apart I physically looked. "Please take care of yourself," he urged me. "I know it hurts like hell, but I need you to take care of yourself." I couldn't think of the last time I ate a full meal without throwing it back up. I keep thinking about how she must have been found, and I still don't know, nor want to know, what happened.

"I'm doing my best," I tried to reassure him. "It's just so weird adjusting to losing a soul mate," I finally admitted out loud. He nodded in understanding, as though that sentiment hit him harder than the naked eye can see. His girlfriend came over to redirect him to the family, since the speeches were about to start. He gave me a quick nod and headed away. I knew I'd see him again.

Everyone migrated to be near the stage, and we received our candles. If I had to guess, I think there was at least 300 people here. There were specific people going around and lighting them, people that I didn't recognize.

Her mom got up and spoke first. "I want to first say thank you to everyone for coming today. It's incredible to see how many people were inspired and touched by Olivia. I can't wait to see what all memories we get to hear, but I cannot forget how altered my life felt the moment that I had her, and especially when I was finally able to take her home for the first time. As I watched her grow, I knew that she was going to be almost too big of a force for this world. If you knew her, you knew that she had a huge amount of wit, as well as compassion. She'd pick on you, but also would blanket it with a beautiful sentiment so that you knew it all came from a place of love. She was incredible at standing up for herself and for others, and she was so loyal. I'm going to miss her for the rest of my life," she got choked up at the end and handed it off to Christopher.