The Grey- Noah Sebastian

twenty five

*Noah's POV*

I got so numb after a while that I couldn't even write.

If I had to try and recount my days, I would say it was whiskey and Halo. I knew I had a job to do, and we definitely recorded and fine tuned what I had done, but I didn't have anything else left in me.

Something else snapped in me the day that Danielle posted those photos of her and Sutton hanging out; I felt so betrayed, but I give her the benefit of the doubt that she may not know everything. Nic is being the Devil's advocate as always and isn't telling me anything, and is saying that he's not telling her anything. I don't know what to believe.

We spent all of March rehearsing for tour, and Nic was here now with us until we leave for tour. I felt myself slipping vocally, but didn't allow myself to brood on it. I didn't have it in me to work on myself at all, especially not in an area that is so vulnerable. The guys say I'm doing fine, that I'm the same as usual, but that makes me feel worse if this is how I always sound.

April came way too fast. Soon enough, we were heading back out to the East Coast to begin this tour, and I'm no where near the headspace for it, but it's a contract at this point. We begin our longest drive and I came well prepared. I pull out a bottle of Jameson and get shots for everyone. "For the tour of our dreams!" I try to cheer enthusiastically, but it doesn't really work for me. We take our shots and I pour a neat glass of it for myself, the others grab beers. We play Halo and pretend to not be worried about me.

****

I threw in a few wildcards into the set list, for my own personal therapy. I never knew how therapeutic Enough, Enough Now and The Reprise would be live, and the crowd definitely loves it.

We were on the fourth show of the tour, and that's where things turn on its head. I did as I normally do, where I get onto the barricade to get the crowd to sing The Worst In Me with me when someone grabs the collar of my shirt and breaks the necklace that Sutton gave me. It broke in their hands, and they looked at me absolutely mortified. I took it back from them and tried to not appear too angry, but why were they grabbing my shirt in the first place?

After that set, I beelined for the bus, wanting to get away from people, knowing I'm about to explode. I held the necklace in my clenched fist, not wanting to lose sight of it. I felt Nic following me closely, and I heard him call my name periodically, keeping on my heels. I reached the bus and I would have slammed the door if I didn't know he was right behind me. I went straight to the bathroom to examine the necklace, but the person broke the chain from the front, not the clasp. I know that this is as simple as buying another fucking chain, I have the charm, but this is a symbol of it truly being done to me.

"Noah, please, open up. You're scaring me," Nic pleaded as he kept banging on the door. I opened it as he was raising his fist again, and I tried to relax. I showed him the necklace, and he looked up at me sadly.

"Someone grabbed my fucking shirt at the barricade and luckily they had a firm enough grip to not lose it, but it just feels..." I trailed off.

"Like a sign?" He offered, and I nodded. I headed for the Jameson that i somehow hadn't touched since the first night, drinking it straight from the bottle.

*Nic's POV*

I'm at the point of being beyond worried for Noah. I have never seen him in this bad of a state, and it's so odd to see how different him and Sutton are handling this.

I have never seen him get that upset after a set. He always stays after to help, no matter how he felt about the set. I knew when he stormed off, that it was something bigger.