The Grey- Noah Sebastian

thirty

(A/N: thirty feels like a lot, holy shit. Thank you for reading this far!)

*Noah's POV*

I had a weird burst of creativity when I landed back in LA. I think seeing Sutton had a lot to do with it.

I spent a week straight in our home studio, spending a lot of time pacing, procrastinating, and building two different songs. There's a possibility that she could be listening to these and I know that now, so I don't want to be too hurtful. I just want to get my side out.

I started a project called Never Know, and I felt like I couldn't perfect it enough. After day 7, Jolly had to stop me.

"I know the emotional weight of this song, but you have to stop messing with it," he said, blocking me from the computer.

"But it's so close—"

"Noah, it sounds amazing, what is going on with you?" Jolly eyes were boring into my soul, knowing it was something deeper.

"I don't know if this one is for me, or if it's to be released. I just needed something to finish... processing," I admitted. "I don't know if this is therapy or a product, but I love it."

"Do you want the other's opinions? They haven't touched it yet," he recommended.

I thought for a moment. "Give me one more day with it and I'll bring it up, but we just released an album, so I don't know what to do with it. I don't want it to sit and wait another few years if we do release it."

"Okay, just... get some sleep, man," he recommended, and I noticed it was 1 am. I nodded and saved the project, closing the studio down for the night.

****

I made myself go running today. It was September, so it feels great outside. I had been slacking off, but running helps me a lot vocally and mentally.

When I got back, I ate some lunch and brewed some coffee, sitting back down at the studio and making myself fully listen to it before tweaking anything. Jolly was right, it was right where it needed to be. I finished my mug off and went to go grab Folio, who was playing Halo.

"Hey," I started, getting into his line of sight just enough to get his attention, since he had headphones on. He slid off one ear to listen to me. "I finished a song, can you come listen to it when you wrap up this match?" I asked timidly, and he definitely noticed the tone.

He sat his controller down immediately. "I was doing shitty anyway," he said as he slid off his headphones. "Are you okay? You've had yourself holed up for a while in the studio," he asked observantly.

"I just had a lot to process and... this is a project that is very personal to me, and I don't know how to handle it," I admitted. He nodded and gestured for me to lead the way.

He sat in the chair directly in front of the monitor and I sat in the chair next to him, both of us sliding headphones on. I didn't face the monitor, I faced the wall before I let myself lean my head back and close my eyes to feel it fully without looking at it all. When it ended, Folio looked over at me with glossy eyes, definitely sympathizing with my emotions. "It's gorgeous, man. What do you want to do with it?"

"I have no idea," I said with a sad smile. "I don't know if it's for me or if it's for consumption."

"I think it can be both," he suggested. "But it's incredible, good job." He said as he put a hand on my shoulder. "What does Nic think?"

"I haven't sent it to him yet, but I can. You and Jolly both like it." He slid over so that I can email the file to Nic, sending him a text to say to listen to it when he can. "I don't know if I want to hold onto these feelings for the next album. I know we're no where near close to writing it, but I know that this record has been too emotionally taxing for me, so I may not want to write about me for it."