The Grey- Noah Sebastian

twenty seven

*Sutton's POV*

I feel like I've been on autopilot for a while now.

Summer came and went and I went out a lot. I decided to spare you and I both on the details, but I would say that my body count has doubled since January, and I still can't get him off of my skin. I decided that I can't stop until I forget him, but it's not working.

It was a random day in August when Dillon texted me a link. I was off on this day, just at home with the animals. I saw that the title of the video was something to do with a new Bad Omens song, making my stomach do flips.

Me: why would you send this to me?

Dillon: it's something you need to see.

Against my better judgment, I clicked on it and realized it was an interview before a music video premier. Noah and Jolly were talking with the interviewer and his hair looked a good bit longer and he looked healthy and happy. Must be nice.

"So this is a pretty intense, emotionally-charged song. Are you comfortable with talking about the inspiration behind it?" The interviewer asked with a sad smile.

"Uh, yeah," Noah shifted in his seat some; I forgot how comforting his voice was. "I had a friend that unfortunately took her life earlier this year," my blood went cold and I had to pause for a second, not expecting that. I set the phone down and took a deep breath in and letting it out before pressing play again. "I hated to think about the place that she was silently in to feel like that was the only resolution to whatever she was going through, so that's where this song came from." I immediately had tears running down my face, noticing as Jolly put a comforting hand on Noah's knee with the hand that wasn't holding the microphone. 

"I'm really sorry for your loss, Noah," the interviewer said with a very calm demeanor. There was a moment of silence before the interviewer looked into the camera. "This is Bad Omens' first single for their newest album, Careful What You Wish For." Noah looked into the camera and nodded with a sad smile, and it felt like it went straight through my soul.

I wiped my tears away while I turned on my TV to get the full picture of it, wanting to see what Orie pulled off this time. It was dark and soft at the same time, heavier at the right times but lighter at the right times. He sings a lot about guilt, whether that be for her or me, I don't know. I struggled to understand the dancers, but felt like I was the woman in the box at this moment. I felt like the woman in the box a lot, actually. The bridge hit and my tears were worse, just full sobs. I watched as he hugged himself while singing the chorus again and thought about how much I missed him in this moment. I can't believe he would write a song about Olivia and make it the lead single for their new album! How dare he pull at my heart strings. I didn't know if there was a double meaning for "I'm not giving up, so don't you give up."

I stopped it from going onto the next video and allowed myself to cry in the silence that was far too loud in this apartment. I found myself, yet again, in a ball in the floor because of this man, but I see now that I should have never hurt him the way that I did. I wonder if I'll ever get over him, but he clearly is doing just fine.

I called Dillon and she answered on the third ring. "Hey..." she trailed off sadly.

"How can just do this to me?" I cried out. "I can't get him out of my fucking head. I just want to forget him, but then he does sweet shit like this and my cards are back on the table, even if he doesn't know it." I am sobbing. I haven't cried this hard since Olivia died. "I feel like I've ruined everything. He clearly is the one I'm meant to be with, but I fucked it up," I finally admitted to myself.

"Hey, slow down," she cut through. "Look, to be honest, I understood you needing space and calling it when you did, but maybe you did go at it a little wrong," she said honestly. She always is honest with me instead of just aimlessly positive. "Do you think you could reach out and say hey I saw the new music video, thank you?"