The Grey- Noah Sebastian

nine

*Noah's POV*

I spent an hour basically pacing around the hotel room and talking to Nic. I am absolutely fucking smitten and I'm so scared of it.

"I have literally never felt so vulnerable with someone this soon and I don't know how to feel about it," I said to the screen, Nic's face on the other side, him playing Halo while listening to me and occasionally interjecting. "I mean, it's like she sees right through me and I have never wanted to protect and adore someone in my whole life. This is so unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life and it's so weird and wonderful and terrifying." 

"Dude, are you in love?" he asked, straight to the point.

"I--" I started to really think about that question. "I wouldn't know what it feels like for me. I cannot recall ever being in love before, but have you?" 

"Definitely, with Leah, I was." He looked like his mind shut off, with a far away look in his eye until his controller vibrated, him probably getting shot, and turning his attention back to the game.

"What was that like for you?" 

"Terrifying is definitely a great word for it. You never really stop thinking about them, both in a positive and negative way. Positively excited that they exist and want to exist alongside you, but terrified about their wellbeing and safety. Nothing is more precious to you than her, and there isn't anything you wouldn't do for her. Until she just... left one day. So it was definitely one-sided, but I was absolutely enamored," he monologued while staring off again, not caring about the vibrating controller.

"I remember, I liked you guys together, and I remember how gutted you were. I think that's partially why I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt or hurt her or anything like that. Shit, maybe I am in love?" I questioned. I decided to brood on that while ironing my pants, some black slacks. "If it continues like this, then absolutely, but what if today is just a singular good day in this?"

"Then don't profess your love too quick or anything, but definitely make your intentions clear with her," he offered.

"I feel like she and I are on a mutual plane here, so I'm not horribly worried about that, I just worry about when it's time for us to tour and stuff, will it maintain? That's my main concern since this lifestyle is not for everybody, especially their romantic partners." I finished ironing my pants and threw them on, ironing my black turtleneck next. 

"That was definitely all it took for Leah, so that's a fair concern," Nic mused, not playing his game anymore and fully focusing on me. "Are you ironing your fucking clothes?" he asked, picking on me.

"Shut up, we're going to a nice dinner tonight and I bet she's going to look fucking incredible," I totally could feel my face heating up. 

"Oh, dear God, just use protection," he said with a grin.

"Fuck off, you know I don't just go for it anymore," I shot back honestly.

"Yeah, yeah, call me tomorrow," he said, clearly wanting to get off the phone.

"K byyeeeee," I said to him dramatically before letting him end the call. I didn't even bother to grab my phone, I just wanted to iron in silence and get my thoughts in order. Now he has me thinking, what if she wants to have sex? Do I say no or go for it? We've clearly established the romantic connection that I usually want to have for me to feel comfortable with it, so I would be open to it, but I don't want to pressure her. I threw on the turtleneck, put my hair in a bun, and decided to throw on my black blazer over it with my black dress shoes. I took a picture in the mirror for myself and hopped in the car since it was already 5:30.