Desire me - the third novel ****editing

Chapter 63 - in his arms and not mine

***Ross POV***

We're sitting in the dark watching the play, of course Taylor got good seats. She doesn't do anything by half. Anything.

Don't get me wrong I'm intrigued by the play, it's a little bit of a dream come true for me, take an English major to a reenactment of his favourite play. Like I said no half measures with this one. But equally I'm finding it hard to stop watching how she reacts to the play. Her smile, the way she watches things and takes them in. The way she gets sad and empathises with the events of the play. Truly I'm in deep. Still, years on and theres no budge on that feeling. Just an odd acceptance to my fate.

Occasionally I find myself almost dropping the "L" word like we can tell each other that we love each other without it being a thing.
The problem is her continuous adoration with guys who are not me. Guys like Heathcliff, passionate and all consuming, they get in the way.

Secondly the other problem with us is that I know she has feelings for me. They are buried of course. Locked away and I cannot find the keys. She glances up at me and I let all of my guards down moving my arm around her shoulders. She leans into me. It's painfully wonderful having her this close.

"This is great" she whispers. And I want to kiss her.

I smile instead and stroke her arm.
"You're great, tattoo not itching?" I whisper back.

"Nope yours" she chuckles. Her face is close to mine just so I can hear her.

"Yeah a little" I whisper back.

"No scratching" she teases me.

I sigh laughing and look away. She snuggles into me and I remember her doing exactly that before when she snuck into my bed at night. Her cool and smooth skin against mine.

I longed for her to come back to me, to be with me. I wanted it so much. To the point where it's driving me crazy. Stealing moments and alone time with her is all I can do.

The bombshell that she's meeting Jays parents has caught me off guard. Jays not like that. He doesn't do that with girls. Apart from the one I'm in love with of course.

It's nearly the end and she glances up at me again. Her eyes invite me in all the time.
"I love you" I tell her softly. It might be the last chance that I've got. Ever to make anything change.

"Ross" she begins softly not a great start if I'm honest. It's like an 'I love you but'.

"I will always, always care for you and love you" she says softly surprising me.

She faces away from me still holding my hand she rubs it and I want to be with her. At the end of the show I bow my head to her which is resting on my shoulder and I kiss her. I can't not kiss her. She doesn't essentially push me away either. I imagine a life where we could be together. Where we would do stuff like this at the weekend as a couple.

She pulls away and stands up to walk out. I follow her lead watching her hair sway in front of me. When were outside it's cold and she huddles closely to me.

"Did you enjoy it" she asks as I clasp her hand in mine.
Everybody would assume that we are together, everybody walking past would think that we are a couple.

"You and I need to do this more often" I say
"I thought it was amazing" I add and she smiles.

"Yes, just no more tattoos for me anyhow" she laughs.

We walk to where I parked and I can't push anything too far. She gets in and I begin driving her to the apartment when I want to take her home. Life is unfair but you can't get hung up on things.

I remember her body on mine, the night we shared and I yearn for her physical contact. I place my hand over hers and she holds onto me.
"I get where you're at" I begin smiling.

"Like I know you're with Jay. I know that Taylor but I am still in love with you" I say. Too far? Most likely.

"I think Ross we will always have this connection whether we like it or not" she replies.

"I like it. I love it. Actually." I laugh.

She laughs back and strokes my hand.

"Did you enjoy the show?" I ask smiling.

"I loved it, maybe we should go and see the next one" she says and retrieves her phone from her bag.

She sends off a text presumably letting him know that she's on her way. I can't help but to wonder how long I will be just Ross to her, the person that is always there for her. The one that loves her but isn't with her.

I pull into the gated parking area and have a bizarre moment of not wanting her to leave. Not crazy like I'm going to lock up all of the doors. I just want her to myself.

"Thank you for spending the evening with me" she says.

"Not at all thank you" I say desperate for just one more kiss.

She leans over in the car and I meet her halfway she will go for my cheek and I will change that. She kisses my cheek and then pulls away. She invites me in every time, gets close to me only to leave me for him. I lightly touch her face and pull it back towards mine. I kiss her lips, slowly.

"Good night Ross" she says and climbs out of my car.

When she gets out of the car I reverse straight away I need out of here before I think anymore about her in his arms and not mine.