Learning to Love Her

Twenty Three

YOUR POV

So the plan is for me and Natasha to watch cheesy movies all day. Grown Ups, Dumb and Dumber. If it'll make us laugh then we'll watch it.

- y/n : Forewarning, I'm tired so if I fall asleep then I'm sorry

- Natasha : No worries. Wouldn't be the first time

- y/n : Mhm

- Natasha : Look, come here. Comfy?

- y/n : Mhm

- Natasha : Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up

I feel safe. Sometimes safe doesn't stop the nightmares but at least I felt safe. Y'know, what if Maria never wants to see me again? Then I really am alone, I'll have no family.

- Natasha : Hey. Wake up. You were having a nightmare

- y/n : I'm sorry. I didn't mean to

- Natasha : It's fine. Do you want to talk about it?

- y/n : Er, no. Thanks. I think I'm going to go train or something

- Natasha : I'll come with you

My pathetic attempt to get away from people has resulted in Natasha following me so I'm not alone.

- y/n : I'm using the punching bag

- Natasha : Okay. I'll be on the treadmill

- y/n : Right

I feel so much unnecessary anger and stress at everything. At Maria for trying to make me go see my father, at Pietro for kissing another woman, at myself for not being able to get over my stupid issues. Not everything is about me but I seem to make it all about me. It was Clint's retirement party and yet everyone was checking on me.

- FRIDAY : It appears that Y/n is having a panic attack

- Natasha : What? Shit. Are you okay?

- y/n : I can't-

- Natasha : What do you need me to do? Match my breathing. In, out

Once again, I've made things about me. I just want to be normal, to be able to think of something without being an attention seeker.

- Natasha : I'm going to do something because you need to calm down and stop thinking

- y/n : Nat- can't-

- Natasha : Please

I can't breathe. It's like being held underwater or as if someone is squeezing my throat as hard as they can. I'm obviously breathing but the oxygen isn't staying in my lungs. I'm forcing it straight back out.

- Natasha : Please Y/n. Just focus on me

How am I supposed to focus on her when I'm suffocating? How am I supposed to focus on her when she's kissing me? What am I supposed to do when she's kissing me?

NATASHA'S POV

I'm kissing her purely to stop her panic attack. There is no other reason for my lips to be on hers. What Clint said is not true. Me and Y/n are purely friends. I like people like Bruce and Steve, not Y/n.

- Natasha : Calm down. Can you breathe again? Y/n?

- y/n : Get Wanda

- Natasha : FRIDAY, telling Wanda she's needed in the gym, now.

It's okay if she's pushes me away because then I can prove to Clint that there is nothing between me and Y/n.

- Wanda : What's up? Sounded urgent

- Natasha : Y/n

- Wanda : What's up? What do you need me to do?

- y/n : My room, please

I'm glad I was here and Y/n didn't have to go through that on her own. I'll let Wanda take care of her and then I'll go visit her in the morning or something, make sure she's okay.

YOUR POV

I'm not overthinking and panicking anymore so I guess Nat's plan worked? My issue is that I liked it, her kissing me, and I shouldn't have.

- Wanda : What's up? What can I do?

- y/n : I had a panic attack, Nat kissed me, I asked for you

- Wanda : What was the panic attack about?

- y/n : Being alone. Pietro forgetting about me at the party, me and Maria arguing

- Wanda : Do you need talk about it?

- y/n : No

- Wanda : How about Nat kissing you?

- y/n : I think it was just to make me stop panicking

- Wanda : Mhm

Wanda can read minds. She probably knows why Natasha actually did it.

- Wanda : How about you get showered and then you can sleep? You look tired

- y/n : Mhm

- Wanda : I'll let the team know that you're going to bed early

- y/n : Thanks

- Wanda : I'll be downstairs with Vis and P if you need me. Sleep well Y/n

And I'm alone with my thoughts again. It's fine. As long as I keep some music playing then it can't get too quiet in my mind. Why did I like Natasha kissing me? I was overly obsessed with Pietro but I'm not going to move on straight away and definitely not to Nat.

- Natasha : Hey, I heard you pacing

- y/n : Do you like me or something because you kissed me? Or was it just to get me to stop panicking. I kissed Wanda once, she was my first kiss, then I started talking to Pietro but he kissed another girl and then me and you have been spending a lot of time together so do you like me or something?

- Natasha : I, was that rehearsed?

- y/n : Natasha

- Natasha : You need to sleep Y/n. You're very tired

- y/n : Why won't you answer my question?

- Natasha : Clint seems to think that I like you and I thought by kissing you it would mean you'd push me away so I could prove Clint wrong

I'm not getting the logic. For all she knew, I could like her meaning that if she kissed me then it would give me the wrong signal.

- y/n : So do you like me? You still kissed me

- Natasha : I have no clue Y/n

- y/n : You're so confusing

- Natasha : I'm confusing? You're confusing. One minute you hate me, the next we're getting drunk together but then you're cuddling with Pietro and then we're cuddling except he's your date to the party and then I'm comforting you when he doesn't show up

- y/n : I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was confusing you

- Natasha : It's fine. I just don't know if you want to be my friend or if you were trying to initiate more but didn't really know how

What the actual fuck? I've been confusing Natasha, she's been confusing me. Does she like me? Do I like her? What was Pietro?

Authors Note
Have a drink and
a snack please