Before sunrise

When flowers open and show their true colors

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Thursday October 13, 2022:

Esmee POV

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I close the front door and let out a relieved breath.

I really need some distance from this man. He's clouding my judgment.

I need some alone time to think. I must tell him that. And even I know that he will not find that to be a pleasing idea.

But he must understand that my look on this world just shifted. That I need to find out where I stand in this world and how I feel about it. I'm not like Bella Swan who just accepted that vampires are real. She clearly had an identity crisis.

And I also need some deep self-reflection to find out if I am not completely mental. Because that is how I feel.

I take off my shoes and walk upstairs towards my room.

So, to set the facts straight. Killian is a Lycan. Which means that the entire supernatural world is real. Which is bonkers. And I am his erasthai, sort of like a long-lost love.

He may be led by his Lycan instincts, but I am a Lady. I can't just take a dive in the deep and go along in his way of living. I may lose myself in the process.

He practically told me that he loved me. Well, not in so many words but it came God damn close. He may be there, but I am just not. I can't love someone I barely know.

And there is the guilt because I go behind everyone's backs. I lie toward my family and my friends. Is it all worth it? Isn't it way to complicated?

But who's relationship is truly easy?

And the most important question: Does he speak the truth?

I rub my head as I put on my pajamas.

I take of my make-up and immediately climb in bed. I know it is still early, but I've never been more tired.

I text Killian about my thoughts.

[Esmee: Hey, I need some distance to think. I hope you respect my decision in doing so.]

Because I am a coward, I don't dare to look at my phone again. Therefore, I turn it off fully.

I switch off the lights and lie down.

Sleep comes quicker than I thought, and I wonder what Killian is thinking about.

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Friday October 14, 2022

Esmee POV

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I wake up feeling restless. It is five in the morning, and I am wide awake yet still so tired.

I grab my MacBook and just start to watch some videos to pass the time. After a while I grow tired of watching videos, so I step out if bed.

I eat something and after taking a long, hot shower, I feel a migraine attack coming. Knowing me, I know that today is the day that it's coming up, and that tomorrow it is at its high. That probably has something to do with the fact that I got my period yesterday before I went to bed.

I wrap a towel around myself and text Killian that his driver doesn't need to drive me the next few days. Because of my migraine I'll probably stay home from work tomorrow.