The Brain is Never at Rest

30

I admired you for the longest time. It was not the same as how I admired anybody else. To me, you were perfection. Too perfect that I never even tried to lay a finger on you.

The first time I heard your name, I ignored it. I have gotten tired of memorizing boys' names, placing them in diaries, and putting them as subjects for my poetry. My fingers have enough calluses after spending so many hours writing the words I never get to say to them. My mind had been exhausted from enumerating various adjectives that mistakenly described those people.

But when I set my eyes on you, I could not stop the adrenaline rush inside me.

You were like a set of chocolate bars; I could not stop but admire you. I tried to control my system for fear that at any time, it would extremely malfunction. For the first time in forever, I took the motivation to excel from a stranger. Your presence ignited something within me and made me want to leave a mark. I wanted you to recall my name, to remember my existence, and to make you want to see me again someday.

If I could only keep you in my pocket, I would. You were a mixture of simplicity and exquisiteness. I could not help but take deep breaths every time you are around. My heart is in its unnatural state whenever I hear your name. The accidental eye contact and unintentional skinship we shared all sent different sensations that brought tingles to my spine. I could spend a day staring at you, admiring the way you look, the words you write, the way you speak, and stare at your eyes to take an exciting journey into knowing who you are.

Of all the guys I liked, you were exemplary. You set the bar too high that I started wondering how it could be devastating for me to merely think of you sending me words that would not match the rhythm and melody of my heart. You were the very first person I never sent a letter for a confession, nor wrote a poem to tell you how perfect you are in my eyes.

A diamond, indeed. I took good care of you a little too much that I wanted your reputation to remain perfect in my eyes. You are something I could never get because I would never pursue something that looked too good to be true. You took my standards to an extreme level that I do not fear the choices I would take and choose anymore. But as of now, with all the little details I know about you, you are not the choice I would take at the end of the day.

Nonetheless, regardless of the path you choose to take, and every step you make, I will always be behind you to watch your growth and be the invisible fan girl that will remain stuck with you for the rest of your life.

One day, if the heavens would make way and allow me to share moments with you, I would like to be the person you will fear losing, and so am I to you. Yet, I would never be the person to break your heart in any manner. I wish to be a confidant that would be one call away whenever you need someone. To be a friend to the person I look up to would be one of the greatest gifts I would ever receive.