Frozen 3

Chapter 12

Honeymaren

I was sitting next to the window, watching the daylight slowly fade. Erik was eating alone on the large wooden table. I was not hungry. I had lost my appetite since the day before. Everything in that cabin was repulsive to me. I didn't pay attention to anything, only to the snowflakes that started to fall slowly outside. Was this Elsa's doing? Or was nature just playing its role in this winter season? I didn't really know. The conversation with the young woman stayed in my mind. I couldn't get it out of my head. It was the first time in months that she had come to talk to me. But it wasn't so much the conversation that stuck with me. It was her. There was something captivating about Elsa that kept us from turning our attention away from her in her presence. 

I gently rubbed my fingertips between them. I could still feel her soft hair in my hands. It was so beautiful and unique. So were her big blue eyes. Her gaze was intense, though it might seem cold to many. But not to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. His pale, frozen skin surprised me, but I tried not to show it to him. I knew she had been hurt many times by pointing out her difference. I didn't want to do the same. I knew it could be terribly hurtful. However, everything about her intrigued me. She was... special. But I admired her so much. Elsa had a strength of character that I found exceptional. She never let herself be defeated, even in the most difficult moments of her life. In this, I recognized myself in her. 

The sound of plates clattering suddenly drew me out of my thoughts. I jumped and gave Erik a cold look. I knew he had done it on purpose, wanting to draw my attention to himself. Not giving him any more satisfaction, my eyes dropped to the table legs. There, only a few inches away, were still the bloodstains that seemed to have imprinted themselves on the floor. I had rubbed with all my strength with a small brush to make them disappear. In vain. They were destined to leave their mark.Erik and I had not spoken since the day before. We were like two strangers forced to live with each other. I thought about what Ryder had told me about him. He was right. I had never really liked Erik. But did I have a choice? If I left him, it would tear our two families, whose relations had already been strained since his father's death, apart even more.

"Our parents are dead Honeymaren! DEAD!"

My brother's words were still echoing in my head. Those few words had triggered a wave of guilt in me. That unnecessary reminder had hurt me once again... I felt a hand on my shoulder. I hadn't heard him approach.

"What are you thinking?"

I didn't answer. I didn't feel like talking to him, not after what had happened.

"Honeymaren?"

I ignored him. He wouldn't win. Not this time. He acted as if nothing had happened, taking on a tone of voice that was far too honeyed for my taste. Erik turned the chair I was sitting in over without any difficulty, putting me in front of him.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, looking innocent. "What's wrong with me? You dare to ask me what's wrong with me when you know perfectly well?"

The young man's gaze changed immediately. The little worried - but hypocritical - gleam I had seen there a few seconds earlier had disappeared, giving way to a cold look I was much more used to.

"I thought you had moved on. I was obviously mistaken," he said, rolling his eyes.

My fingers gripped my seat tightly. I struggled not to lose my composure. I had to keep my cool and not let him see how easily he could affect my behavior. I couldn't give him that pleasure.

"You're as stubborn as your brother!" he hissed through his teeth.

I got up and headed for the front door, determined not to stay in this cabin another minute. Erik quickly grabbed my arm when I had only taken one step.

"Where are you going? "Away from you!"

He pulled me violently toward him and forced me to look him in the eye before exclaiming:

"When my parents told me I would have to spend my entire life with you, I was far from thrilled, believe me! I've always found you incredibly stubborn and have never been able to stand your family, be it your parents or your brother! But I am condemned to stay with you so you will do me the pleasure of making a minimum of efforts to make this ordeal a little less unbearable! You know anyway that you have no choice if you don't want to lose your honor and keep the little dignity you have left!"

I tried to get out of his grip, to pull him away from me. I struggled as best I could but his strength was far superior to mine. He didn't even seem bothered by my blows, keeping his hand firmly tightened around my arm.

"Let me go!" I shouted. "Thank God your parents are dead! They would be ashamed of your behavior," he said, ignoring my protests. 

His words were like a punch in the gut. I suddenly felt empty, without any strength to fight. My thoughts became confused in my mind. He suddenly released me, feeling that I was no longer able to make any movement. I had to hold on to the chair by the window to keep from falling. My legs didn't want to carry me anymore. My whole body felt like it was going to collapse. Honeymaren, get a grip, please, I said. It was too late. Tears rolled down my cheeks, showing once again the weakness I was trying to keep hidden.

***

It had been dark for several hours. I had not closed the shutters of the room, letting the moonlight enter the room. I was lying in a bed that I now hated, next to a person who disgusted me. I turned my back on Erik. I didn't want to see him anymore, I didn't want to meet his empty eyes, empty of humanity. I stared at the wooden wall a few meters in front of me, unable to find sleep. I closed my eyes for the umpteenth time. The first image to form in my mind was that of Elsa. What would she do in my situation? Her former status as queen must have brought her to this kind of impasse, trapping her between her duty and her personal feelings. She must have felt oppressed... I couldn't finish my thought. Erik's arm wrapped around my waist. Thinking he was dreaming, I tried to push him away. His arm didn't pull away, instead I felt his whole body pressed against mine. My pulse accelerated. The anguish was gradually rising. Calm down Honeymaren, he must be sleeping. I looked over my shoulder and discovered to my horror that the young man was wide awake. The faint light of the moon's rays was reflected in his eyes. I could see an evil gleam in them that made me lose my temper completely. I felt as if I were stunned, unable to make the slightest movement. I felt his hand reach under the thin white tank top I was wearing. I closed my eyes, biting my lower lip until it bled. Feeling his metallic taste in my mouth gave me something else to think about. Erik forced me onto my back. My body no longer belonged to me. My mind seemed to want to get away from it at all costs, but it couldn't. What would Elsa do in my situation? I didn't know. I couldn't know. A sharp pain shot through my lower abdomen. My fingers gripped the sheets tightly. I kept my eyelids closed, I didn't want to see him. I never wanted to see him again. Words that sounded very distant came to me like whispers, inaudible whispers. He was talking to me. But I didn't understand. I couldn't. How long had this been going on? Five minutes? Fifteen minutes? An hour? I didn't know. All I knew was that it had been far too long. I was in pain. It hurt like hell. Much worse than after the slap. But the physical pain was far less important than the psychological one at that moment. What would Elsa do? She certainly wouldn't just lie there, motionless, waiting for it to happen. I tried to make a movement, something, anything. I was as if nailed to the mattress, unable to make a move. My body didn't respond to me anymore. I was not Elsa. I was weak.