Frozen 3

Chapter 28

Elsa

My visit to Silja's the day before had been terribly disturbing. Every time I thought back on it, I felt suffocated, as if some external force were compressing my chest. But it was the words exchanged between Yelena and the old woman that had hurt me the most. I'd just had the impression of finally feeling accepted as I was by others, of being able to let my magic express itself without any restraint. Those words had felt like a stab in the back. Could the Northuldras want to separate themselves from me, or worse, make me disappear once and for all?

A branch snapped behind me. I turned sharply, hands out, ready to use my power. I immediately recognized Honeymaren, who was struggling to balance a dozen logs on her forearms. She looked embarrassed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you..." she said shyly.

"Don't worry, you're not disturbing me. I was just thinking," I reassured her.

She raised a questioning eyebrow, looking suddenly worried.

"Nothing serious, I hope?" she asked.

I smiled weakly and shook my head, assuring her that it wasn't. The pieces of wood she was holding suddenly flew out of her hands and crashed to the ground. Honeymaren gave an angry grunt and stooped to pick them up. I went over and grabbed some logs to help her. The young woman nodded appreciatively.

***

The way to the Northuldra camp was extremely quiet. We didn't exchange a single word. I kept giving her a sidelong glance. She seemed uncomfortable and occasionally turned up her nose in a way I found adorable. A slight smile came to my lips, though I didn't really know why.

We soon arrived in front of her hut. I set down the woodpile I'd been holding at the back of her dwelling, seeing that many logs had already been stored there. Honeymaren smiled broadly and thanked me. As I was about to leave, she grabbed my hand. She shivered at the touch of my icy skin. The gesture suddenly unsettled me.

"I wanted to tell you..."

She sighed, not finishing her sentence. I withdrew my hand from hers, relieved to no longer have to endure another person's contact against my body. Then, after a few moments, she resumed:

"Don't be afraid of what people think of you. You've already proved that we can trust you completely. Those who don't believe in you are wrong. You're not a danger, I know that," she finally said, looking into my eyes with her big brown ones.

I didn't dare look at her. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and my throat tightening. I hated showing the slightest sign of weakness. The suffering caused by the self-imposed isolation of my childhood and adolescence, and the constant fear of hurting others, were still deeply rooted in me. No matter how hard I tried to repress it, Honeymaren's words brought me back to reality: I was scaring the Northuldra. I turned my back on the young woman, my fists clenched. I sighed and left without a word.

***

I had left the Northuldra camp and headed for the Dark Sea. I hadn't been back since Isaak's father died. As I approached the water, Nokk had appeared. I hesitated for a long time before getting on his back, remembering the violence of our last encounter. This time, he'd let me, without the slightest protest.

Now I clung tightly to his mane and galloped across the waves towards Ahtohallan. My eyes were full of tears. I could no longer hold them back. Honeymaren's words had brought back sad memories. Wherever I was, people didn't fully accept me. They doubted me all the time. However, something else had troubled me about the young woman's behavior. Something I couldn't explain. The way she looked at me, the way she talked to me, the way she tried to get close to me... All this made me feel terribly uncomfortable, but I didn't know exactly why. She had changed completely and was no longer behaving in the same way towards me. This sudden closeness seemed strange to me. I wasn't used to it. She had seemed so kind and understanding at first, but since her break-up with her former partner, Erik, she seemed different. I'd really felt close to her a few months earlier, and managed to identify with her personality. However, for several weeks now, I'd been feeling awkward in her presence. So I had preferred to leave rather than stay in her company. Could she be...? No, it was impossible.