Frozen 3

Chapter 35

Honeymaren

I'd never felt so stupid. Elsa's answer had frozen me in place. From then on, her last words kept looping in my mind without me being able to stop them. Her icy stare was like a sledgehammer blow. I'd never seen her like that. I'd long feared rejection and had finally been right to distrust it. Silja's advice hadn't helped me at all; on the contrary, it had made the situation worse. I was so sorry I'd followed it. But now it was too late to turn back. Elsa knew how I felt now. It had been hard for me to admit such a secret to her. A secret I'd thought I'd kept buried deep inside myself. But now the words had escaped my mouth almost naturally, without my being able to hold them back. Elsa's big blue eyes should have stopped me before I confided the unmentionable. Nevertheless, I continued to unpack everything that had been weighing on my chest for far too long. On the one hand, I was terribly angry at myself for revealing my feelings in this way. I felt ashamed and hardly dared leave my brother's hut, so unbearably afraid was I of running into the former queen. On the other hand, last night had been the only moment in my life when I had truly been true to my feelings, even to the point of daring to reveal them to the one I loved. But that wasn't what I remembered most. No, it was that kiss. That stolen kiss I couldn't hold back. It had been almost instinctive, like something stronger than me had suddenly taken control of my body and mind at that moment. The sensation of her soft, frozen lips against mine had felt wonderful, though it had only lasted a short moment. The young woman's surprise had made the moment I'd been dreaming of for nights even a little longer. Even if it hadn't turned out exactly as I'd hoped, I'd still enjoyed those few seconds of happiness. But it didn't last. No sooner had she pushed me away than I felt a deep sense of unease all over again. The same one that had taken hold of me a few days earlier. And now I was once again falling into depression, unable to stand the sight of anyone. My brother didn't seem to understand. When he'd seen me come home last night, he'd seemed completely bewildered. But I had to admit that, from the outside, my behavior was rather strange. I'd suddenly gotten back on my feet after four days spent at the bottom of my bed without seeing the light of day, only to return that evening even more despondent than I'd been.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Ryder had just entered my room without my even realizing it, far too busy brooding over the night before. He stood in the doorway, arms crossed, staring at me with a worried expression.

"Do I really have to answer?" I grumbled, turning my face painfully towards him.

"I'd advise you to, otherwise I'll be pestering you all evening for the truth," he said, coming to sit on the edge of my bed, a teasing smile on his lips.

"You can always try. I'm used to you anyway."

My twin sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Honeymaren this time I'm serious. I haven't understood you for days. In the morning you're depressed, at noon you're jumping for joy and in the evening you're depressed again. I know you, I know you can have frequent mood swings, but this is the worst it's ever been. And you hardly eat anymore. You spend your days locked in your room, refusing to talk to me. So please, at least make an effort this time."

It was rare to see my brother so serious. I wasn't used to it. His hard, worried look gave him the air of a caring, protective twin towards his sister, in stark contrast to the young man playing the fool I usually faced.

"I'm a bit... preoccupied at the moment, that's all," I replied.

"Preoccupied? No, no kidding! I know you're preoccupied! What I want to know is what's worrying you."

"You can't understand it."

"But I can understand everything."

"It doesn't matter, forget it."