Frozen 3

Chapter 33

Kristoff

Aksel!

I woke up with a start. My heart was beating unusually fast. I looked around. It was pitch black outside. The moon was covered by clouds and did not cast its reassuring glow over Arendelle. My breath was ragged. I could hardly breathe normally again. I felt drops of sweat dripping down my forehead. I hadn't remembered that name for years, and now it was popping into my mind without warning. To tell the truth, I'd done everything I could to forget him and most of my childhood. But over the past few months, snatches of memory had once again assailed me in my sleep.

I fell back into bed, exhausted. I couldn't afford to sleep so little, especially with the increasingly busy days ahead. I closed my eyes, hoping to fall back asleep quickly, despite the lump of anxiety growing in my throat. Resting my hands on my stomach, I tried to breathe slowly to calm myself. Behind my closed eyelids, thoughts raced through my head. I knew I had to clear my mind, or at least think of reassuring things, if I was to fall asleep peacefully. I concentrated on Anna's smiling face. I imagined her long auburn hair framing her face and her big blue eyes. I thought back to that sunny afternoon when she had taken me to the heights of Arendelle, to that magnificent little clearing with its lush plants and pond. A barely conscious smile spread across my lips. I was gradually drifting off to sleep, not really knowing where I was anymore. My bedroom had given way to this secret place that only Anna and I knew existed. I was no longer in a bed, but squatting in fresh grass that tickled the palms of my hands.

***

I leaned over the sparkling surface of the pond. My reflection appeared among the water lilies. Suddenly, I felt hands on my back, pushing me forward. Surprised, I was immediately thrown off balance and my fingers, which had been struggling to hold on to the edge of the pond, slipped. I had no choice but to plunge headlong into the water. Although submerged, I heard Anna's muffled laughter. I opened my eyes and looked up. I saw her reflection shimmering above me. My revenge was going to be terrible. I quickly rose to the surface and, when I could breathe again, sent a spray of water onto the shore, hoping to surprise the young woman. But to no avail: she had suddenly disappeared. I looked around for her. But to no avail. The clearing was deserted.

"Anna?" I shouted.

There was no answer. I was alone. I swam to the edge of the pond and rested my hands on it to help me extricate myself. The waterlogged earth turned to mud as I applied pressure. My fingers dug in. I managed to pull one leg, then the other, out of the water. Kneeling in the mud, I struggled to get up. When I finally stood up, I noticed that my clothes were just as dirty as my dirt-covered hands. I disregarded this, as well as the bad smell coming from them, and concentrated on what was around me. Tree branches were gently shaking in the wind. A few birdsongs echoed in the small clearing.

"Anna!" I called again, hoping that the young woman would finally answer me.

The chirping stopped abruptly. A frightening silence descended. I ran to the entrance of the clearing, a passage in the rock hidden under a curtain of ivy. I quickly lifted the curtain and was surprised to discover a solid wooden door. I grabbed the handle and tried to open it. It was locked. I recognized the wrought-iron alloy. I knew this door. I turned around, keeping one hand on the handle. The clearing I'd left behind for a few seconds had disappeared. In fact, a much more familiar one had taken its place. Huge pine trees surrounded it. The afternoon sun and warmth had also been replaced by grey skies and an icy snowstorm whose flakes were piling up at my feet.

"It can't be..." I muttered, distraught.

My eyes returned to the door handle, which I hadn't let go of. In place of the rock face now stood the wooden hut I knew so well. The same dark, inhospitable little dwelling deep in the woods in which I'd been forced to live for years. I tried to turn the handle again. It was no use, it was locked. Only the key could open it. The key! I rushed to the pile of snow behind me and dug in the hope of finding it. With a bit of luck, it would still be in the same place. As I fumbled around, I heard the cabin door open and close with a creak. I turned around and found myself face to face with a blond-haired boy of about ten. His face and scowl were perfectly familiar. I leapt to my feet. The boy didn't seem to see me. He was walking briskly in my direction, hands in his pockets.

"Look... Look out!" I shouted, not seeing him slow down even though he was now a metre away from me.

He continued unperturbed. Worse still, he passed right through my body. I wasn't thrown off balance at all. I finally understood: I didn't exist. He could neither see nor hear me. I was witnessing the scene from the outside. That young boy was me. I was more than fifteen years old. I followed him with my eyes until he went into the forest among the pines. I wanted to follow him and took a step in his direction. But my curiosity held me back. I returned to the hut and looked through a window into the dining room. It was dark inside. Yet I could make out the fur of a small animal lying on the table in the center of the room. I quickly looked away, no more able to bear the sight of dead, butchered animals than I had been as a child. Apart from that, the room was deserted. There was no one in it. I walked around the hut and came to a second window. I peered through and discovered a sparsely furnished room whose existence I'd forgotten. On the bed, which alone occupied half the room, slept a burly, bearded man. His slightly open mouth made me imagine the snores that must have come from it. I stared at him for a moment. I hadn't seen him for sixteen years. His beard and brown hair must have turned white. His imposing build must have diminished over the years.

"Farewell, Aksel..." I murmured from the other side of the window before walking away from the little hut.

I followed the footprints left in the snow. I should have felt familiar with this path, since I'd walked it before. However, I had the impression that this was the first time I'd trodden it, and had to hurry if I didn't want to lose track of my former self. Eventually, I caught up with him a few dozen metres further on. I walked at the same pace as the boy, taking care not to overtake him. I watched him as I went along. I was almost twice his size. He seemed angry, occasionally grabbing a handful of snow at his feet to form a ball and throwing it violently against the trunk of a pine tree. Watching him do this, I felt as if I could feel his anger deep inside me, and understand the injustice weighing on his shoulders. The little blond then walked over to a tree and kicked it furiously, without really thinking about the stupidity of his gesture. I smiled as I heard him cry out in pain. He hopped up and down, holding his bruised foot in his hands. He cursed angrily at his own stupidity:

"What an idiot! What an idiot! What an i..."

He suddenly fell silent, his eyes fixed on a point in front of him. The little boy dropped his foot and moved cautiously forward between the pine trees. I suddenly stopped laughing and approached him. He was crouched at the foot of a tree, watching something. I followed his gaze. Just ten meters from us, a reindeer lay on the snow. The animal wasn't moving. Its head on the ground made me realize that it would never get up again. The child approached the reindeer. I tried to restrain him by grabbing his wrist. In vain. My hand slipped through his arm. I followed him, obviously having no choice. When I reached the animal, I noticed a large, fresh wound on its flank. A bullet hole. The reindeer had not survived. But that wasn't what the boy saw first. In the middle of the animal's motionless legs stood a small reindeer. It was snuggled up against the fur of what must surely have been its mother.

"Hey, don't be scared," the boy said calmly to the baby reindeer.

He gently placed a hand on the head of the little animal, who looked terrified. Nevertheless, he let himself be petted and accepted the caresses. I watched Kristian, my double. He took a carrot out of his coat pocket and said:

"I'd been saving it for myself, but here."

The little reindeer nibbled the end without much conviction.

"Come on... I've got nothing else to offer you. But look how good it is."

The little blond boy took a bite of his carrot before handing it back to the animal. The animal followed suit. The young boy took him in his arms and extricated him from his hiding place.

"I think we're both orphans now... But don't worry, I'll take care of you. I'll call you... Sven!"

***

I slowly opened my eyes. I'd never dreamed of this meeting. I'd preferred to keep my childhood buried in my memory rather than let it resurface at any opportunity. But for once, I was happy to have let go and allowed myself to remember this moment. I let my eyelids droop and went back to sleep, a slight smile on my lips.