Frozen 3

Chapter 36

Elsa

"She's so... unapproachable."

"A monster! She's a monster!"

"A witch!"

That's how I'd always been described. That's what men had always called me. I had never been anything but a threat, a danger in their eyes. Most of them didn't trust me or were afraid of me and my powers. Many of them preferred emotionally stable women, which wasn't really the case with me. However, their lack of interest in me was mutual. I had never really liked a man. I'd always felt obliged to hide my true personality, letting others see only a cold, rigid Elsa. All my life, I'd evolved in a world of men in which I'd had to impose myself, despite all the difficulties I'd encountered because of my difference. I hadn't allowed myself to love. I hadn't had the time or the inclination. But for the first time in my life, someone actually had feelings for me. Until now, I hadn't even considered that this person could be a woman. And yet... Honeymaren's confession had completely thrown me. For days, even weeks, I'd suspected what she was really feeling. Her gaze had changed. I, who used to see myself in her every time I looked into her eyes, had suddenly realized that her eyes were no longer reflecting my personality, but love. It took me a long time to understand. Too long. So much so that, once I'd assimilated the information, I'd repressed it until the young woman admitted it to me herself. I had seen her burning gaze, filled with both hope and desire. It had completely destroyed me. I had tried for four years to be emotionally stable. I'd forced myself and finally learned to control my feelings. But now Honeymaren had tipped the scales again with just two words. Two little words that had made and were making me lose all my composure.

I hadn't gone out all day, despite the fine weather. The risk was far too high. Since the evening before, I'd lost control of my powers. I felt as if I were slipping back into the uncertainties that had so oppressed me a few years earlier. The walls of my room were covered in frost, which was gradually spreading to the ceiling. The temperature had plummeted. I walked over to the window and tried to open it, hoping to let some outside warmth into the room. But I couldn't. It was blocked by ice. Calm down, Elsa, calm down, I thought. For hours I'd been running around in circles in my room, trying everything I could to stop the storm that was growing in my chest. My ribcage felt compressed by all the emotions swirling around inside me. My heart was beating faster and faster. I was suffocating, gasping for air. A swirl of snowflakes whirled around me. The whole room seemed to be spinning faster and faster. I had to find something to lean on, anything. My vision was blurred, and I could no longer make out the furniture around me. I staggered along, groping almost blindly for a familiar surface. Finally, I found the edge of my bed. I dropped to my knees, clutching the mattress tightly. I closed my eyes, squeezing my eyelids as tightly as I could. I refused to watch this chaotic spectacle for another second. A tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Enough," I whispered between sobs.

I couldn't remember the feeling of unease I'd experienced so often in the past. I felt as if I were being drained of all my strength. I was no longer in control. No, it was my magic that was controlling me now, and I was just enduring it. I knew I mustn't let the tornado forming inside me get the better of me. It would ravage everything in its path, as it had done before. I had to hold on at all costs. But each breath was even more painful than the last. Each tear that trickled down my cheeks was so icy that it left a burning mark on my skin. My whole being seemed to be crushed by these powers, far too powerful to be mastered and contained within a single person. I had to concentrate to regain the upper hand and not let myself be overwhelmed. I took a slow breath, letting my lungs re-inflate with the air they had lost. This breath of oxygen brought me back to my senses. This was the moment, the right moment. If I didn't seize this opportunity, I'd fall back into what had caused me so much harm.