Frozen 3

Chapter 26

Honeymaren

I had seen Elsa enter the tent. I didn't know what Silja wanted with her. I watched the scene from the tiny window of the hut in which I now lived with my twin brother. I was alone that morning. Alone, shaping a few wooden sculptures, as usual since the beginning of spring. It was my new job: woodcarver. So I spent my days polishing, carving, building, demolishing... I was often called in to build new little wooden huts that were gradually replacing the tents, deemed too precarious to withstand the cold seasons, as we'd found out a few months earlier.

As I was working on a log which I wanted to shape into a little bear to give to one of the village children, my thoughts wandered. I was scraping the wood with a knife when suddenly the blade slipped, digging into the flesh of my finger. I held back a cry of pain. A drop of blood beaded on the top of my first phalanx and trickled down my hand. I put my bloody thumb in my mouth, hoping to ease the pain. I'd never hurt myself so stupidly. The sight of Elsa had disturbed me more than I realized. Wincing in pain, I looked down at my severely slashed skin. Then I turned to the window and saw her. She was so beautiful. Her long platinum-blond hair cascaded down her back. The dress she was wearing showed off every inch of her body. I caught myself staring at her breasts. I blushed, not understanding what was happening to me. Ever since Elsa had appeared in the enchanted forest, I couldn't stop staring at her in wonder. I too had fallen under her spell, like all the other Northuldras. At first, I seemed to simply admire her. Her atypical, unique character and physique had intrigued me to no end. Then, as the months went by, I realized that it was something much stronger. Something that squeezed my stomach every time the former queen spoke to me. Something that made it impossible for me to look at myself in the mirror without suddenly feeling ashamed. I'd never felt anything like it, even though I'd long forced myself to feel this way when I was with Erik, to no avail. But I couldn't admit it to anyone this time. Not even to myself.

I'd never felt such things in the presence of a woman. It was so... strange! I'd always had male companions since I was a teenager and had been content with that. Until now, that is. But I still didn't know. Or at least, I wanted to ignore it. I had to repress these strange sensations in Elsa's presence and suppress my thoughts about her. Everything had changed inside me, upsetting the balance I'd been trying to find as best I could in my life for years. I'd always had to pull myself together and I had to do it again, even though I didn't quite understand what was happening to me.

I lowered my head. A tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away with an angry gesture. I couldn't cry. I had no right to, not after all I'd been through. The memory of my parents suddenly came back to me. Then I saw the flames around me, coming dangerously close, ready to lick my childish skin.

***

The smoke and ashes were choking me. I had a violent, uncontrollable coughing fit. My lungs were burning. I was running out of air. I couldn't breathe. A ceiling beam collapsed in front of me with a shattering sound. Then I heard Ryder shouting, a few meters away from me:

"Honeymaren, get down, quickly!"

I could hear the anguish in his voice. I panicked and did as he told me. I found myself lying flat on my stomach against the hot earthen floor. At last I saw my brother appear through a thick cloud of black smoke, crawling in my direction. He was covered in black soot, sticking to his sweaty skin. The heat was increasingly unbearable, suffocating me. When he reached me, Ryder grabbed my hand and tried to pull me towards an exit. Lacking oxygen, my body no longer responded to my desire to get out of the inferno. I felt completely empty, as if all my strength had suddenly deserted me. Everything seemed to spin around me. My vision of my twin became increasingly blurred. I could no longer clearly make out his face, twisted by pain and fear. His lips were moving. He shouted something I didn't understand. A loud thud sounded not far from us. I had just enough time to catch sight of a burly man, whose ash-covered face was familiar to me, before I partially lost consciousness. I felt myself being lifted.

Feeling the outside air on my skin a few seconds later, I shivered. My fingers brushed the dry grass: I was being lowered to the ground, safe at last. I hiccupped, unable to catch my breath. I barely opened my eyes and watched in horror as the man ran back to the burning cottage. Several people I hadn't noticed before tried to stop him, but to no avail. Desperate, he screamed a word, a name, to the point of tearing his vocal cords. Nora. He violently pushed away those holding him back and re-entered the fire. Then a terrible noise rang out. An explosion. It was so powerful that it knocked the few people standing near the burning hut to the ground. All that remained of the little house collapsed with a deafening crack. I struggled to my feet, finally realizing what was happening. The pain of the moment tore at my insides.

"DAD!" my brother and I shouted at the same moment.

***

We lost the two people most dear to us as children that night. We were eight years old.

The thought made me shudder. I had never recovered from that tragedy, even fifteen years later. I had vowed never again to attempt to light a candle by myself.

I lifted my head, looking out of the window again. Elsa had disappeared. I was terribly disappointed that I could no longer observe her discreetly. Suddenly, I heard the front door open and slam violently against the wall. I rolled my eyes, knowing full well who had just entered in such a commotion. Ryder's head appeared in the doorway of the living room I was in. He was smiling stupidly at me. He came forward and sat down on a chair opposite me. He pulled off his worn boots and tossed them unceremoniously across the room. I glared at him.

"What?" he said, looking innocent.

I sighed.

"Even at twenty-three, you're behaving like a child. I have to educate you," I reproached him.

"Hey, I'm older than you! You owe me respect!"

"I beg your pardon ?! We're twins!"

"Maybe, but I was born nine minutes before you," he laughed, proud of himself.

Sometimes I wondered how I'd put up with my brother ever since we were born. He was insufferable and childish. But then I suddenly remembered that, having lost his parents at an early age, he, like me, had been confronted with the adult world prematurely. I guessed that this immaturity was a way for him to rediscover the childhood he'd missed.

He stood up and nudged me in the ribs to tease me.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked, apparently seeing my confusion.

"I don't know," I lied.

"I do. It starts with El, ends with sa".

I looked at him, speechless. How could he know? I'd never told him anything about it. He laughed at the look on my face, which unsettled me even more.

"Are you finally going to tell me, or are you going to keep quiet?" he continued, seriously this time.

I didn't understand. He wanted me to tell him something I'd never been able to admit to myself yet. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Ryder shrugged, realizing he wasn't going to get any more information. His face suddenly darkened.

"You should think of something else and you know it," he added, looking at me sternly. "It's a woman."

He looked down and saw at my feet the log I'd started carving before I hurt myself. He bent down and picked it up to see the result of my work.

"Do you still intend to give it to a child in the village, or would you rather keep it for yourself?" he asked me curtly, pointing to the piece of wood.

I raised my head shyly. Without realizing it, I hadn't carved a bear. Far from it. While I'd been lost in thought, the log had taken the shape of a young woman's body...