Frozen 3

Chapter 20

Honeymaren

I was alone. It was what I had wanted. Nobody knew where I was. I didn't know myself. It didn't matter to me. All I wanted was calm, serenity, finally. I felt empty of all emotion. My body and mind felt nothing. It was the first time in my life that I didn't think, that I didn't want to think about anything but myself. For fifteen years I had been putting the needs and desires of others before my own. This could not go on, I was tired of it. Enough of sacrificing my whole life for a cause that had always been close to my heart, but which today was putting my whole existence in doubt. I had sworn in the depths of my being to lead my life as my parents would have wanted me to. I had kept my promise so far. But something inside of me told me to follow my own path, regardless of outside voices. And that was what I was going to do. I had been lying in the snow for more than an hour, in the middle of a part of the forest I didn't know. I had walked for several hours during a whole night and day, without really looking where I was going. My only goal had been to get as far away from the camp as possible. Huge pine trees replaced the birch trees that I usually frequented so often. With my head turned towards the whitish sky, I watched the flakes swirl around before coming to settle on me. I was being covered little by little but I didn't care. I felt more and more exhausted while I was doing nothing. I knew the dangers of hypothermia. I knew I shouldn't stay still and had to fight the fatigue at all costs. I didn't have the strength to get up anymore. My eyelids were drooping of their own accord, despite my efforts to keep them open. I couldn't hold on any longer, I finally broke down and gave in to the temptation to close my eyes. A feeling of well being and appeasement suddenly invaded me.

***

"Where the North wind meets the sea
There's a mother full of memory
Come, my darling, homeward bound
When all is lost, then all is found"

My mother placed a light kiss on my forehead before pulling the blanket of my bed over my shoulders. Her soft voice had the power to soothe me. She gently caressed my cheek and smiled at me. Suddenly, a flash of lightning pierced the dark night sky, suddenly lighting up the interior of my room. It was soon followed by a loud thunderclap. I let out a frightened scream and immediately hid under my blanket, pulling it up to my eye level.

"Hey, don't worry, I'm here," my mother whispered as she pulled me out of my hiding place and into her arms.

I snuggled up to her, burying my face in the crook of her shoulder. Her long, wavy brown hair covered part of my face. The smell of it was so pleasant and sweet, it comforted me. I heard my bedroom door open with a soft creak.

"Mom?" Ryder said in a small voice as he entered the room.

My brother looked just as terrified as I was. He was holding the small piece of cloth that served as his comforter tightly against his face. I had never understood his interest in that old rag for years. He carried it everywhere, so that the cloth was turning more and more to a dirty gray that was replacing its original white color. The little boy walked over to my bed and climbed on top of it as best he could. Our mother wrapped her arms around him as well. We were both snuggled up to her as she gently stroked our foreheads with her fingertips while singing a lullaby. I listened thoughtfully as I wrapped a lock of her hair around my index finger. The storm was still roaring outside, but I didn't pay attention to it anymore. I was no longer afraid. Our mother's voice enveloped us in a bubble, in a world far from the one we lived in. When she sang, snow-covered forests, majestic mountains, and sparkling rivers would flash before my eyes, making me forget everything. Then I would fall asleep peacefully, letting myself be carried away little by little by her song. I knew that nothing would disturb my sleep. She was there to watch over Ryder and me.