Don't tell me nonsense

words

The outing was shitty and all I wanted to do now was go home and Dami and Jr with their partners were trying to buy stuff. Traipsing into the fourth shop in the last two hours I decided I was fed up, "Dami, I'm going." she begged me with her eyes, all I could do was give her a helpless smile with my signature shrug.

I took off in seconds, I was already on the bridge and without a goodbye to the rest of them. The sun shone down and the cool winds blew by making the hair on my arms stand up, the light turquoise sky looking beautifully peaceful; it was a sight to see. The view made me take a deep breathe and calm down, taking in the Earth's beauty. I stood still and just smiled up at the sky, it was times like this that made you appreciative and thank God for your life. Masses of people walked by me, some even gave me strange looks, the ringing of my phone brought me out of this trance like motion and back to reality.

Glancing at the screen and saw the word: Mum. What did she want? all of a sudden the world seemed to be closing in on me, I just wanted to breathe and be happy for a moment. Just one moment, she couldn't even give me that. I began running with my phone in my hand, I ran all the way to the end of the road and on a corner there was a bus stop. My heart beating in an irregular rhythm my long hard breaths, I was fighting back tears as I sat down trying to control my breathing. What did she want?

Buses passed, many buses passed and still I was sitting at the bus stop. My head in my hands, my mind was rolling through scenes of my life- snippets of certain memories.

"Please I just want to go home."

"Lets go home then, together and we can do it there." The male voice spoke in loud whispers.

I was being grabbed and pushed down, but I didn't was to go down.

"Easy or hard, its your choice."

Tears cascaded down my face while I let out a bitter laugh. Easy or hard? I had a choice huh? I remembered how much I hated and blamed myself and still do, I felt so ashamed.

My phone rang again and his was her, I closed my eyes and answered the phone.

"Hi Esther, how you doing are you okay?" she put a strong emphasis on the you as if she could make the baby growing inside of me disappear at her demand, her command.

"Cut the bullshit and get to the point, what do you want?" I heard a small gasp on the other end of the line. What did she expect? They make you the way you are and are shocked when you act the way you do.

"Well I was wondering when you were coming home." This woman was not being for real, she was no mother of mine and her house was not a home so I guess she would keep wondering.

I laughed, all I could do was laugh at her, " You technically shooed me away, so don't call me back because you are lonely." I laughed again, "You are not serious are you, do you remember saying have an abortion or get out of my house?" By now hot tears were falling down my face in abundance.

"Folake, I did not mean it." I scoffed. "Really?"

"Really I was just angry." she was pleading with me and I was unmoved.

"And guess what so am I right now, I heard what people say to you in anger is the truth how about that?" I wanted my tears to stop falling, but they refused.

"You know what ?" I paused and took a breath. "You are a shit mother, you are no mother of mine ; I'm going to have this baby and pass my GCSEs, imma be me not my sister that you are so proud of but myself." I left the conversation on that note and cut the phone.

I sat down and I could finally let out a long breath. I turned to my left to see Timothy sitting there with soft eyes, staring at me. Not wanting to face him, I turned myself and focused my gaze ahead of me, he move closer to me, I didn't need comforting.

He said nothing, he was completely silent. He just stared and me trying to uncover my thoughts like a journalist on a scoop. I turned to face him for only a moment and I broke down. His eyes asked me if I was okay and I wasn't. He took me in from my waist and placed me on his lap. Staring me deeply into my eyes he was searching for something. Answers to his questions, I would answer all his questions, with him I felt safe as if I could confide in him. The look on his face was full of sincerity; he actually cared, it made me smile mentally.

"She wanted you to abort the baby?" I nodded and tried to dry my tears, I was so cold and it was night time now, it was about eight and I was shivering. He took off his bomber cardigan and put it on for me, I looked up at him and smiled warmly for the first time this evening he actually smiled back at me; it made my heart flutter I was ecstatic. I had to dial down how I was feeling a bit now because we were having a serious conversation.

"Are you going to abort the baby?" he rubbed my pregnant stomach. I shook my head viciously. "I'll be damned if I gave her what she wants." I spat with such disgust.

"I was hoping you would say that." he smiles. "What?"

"That you're keeping it." I nodded, "I believe that I am not the one who has the right to live or die, that is in the hands of the beholder." Timothy was nodding agreeing with my statement, actually listening to what I was saying.

"You don't have to talk about this subject with me if you don't feel comfortable."

"It's fine." He tightened his grip on my waist and spoke slowly so that his words could marinate with me. "I believe that you keeping the baby is admirable and shows how strong you are as a woman, standing for what you believe and want in spite of what your mother wants." as he said this he did not break the eye contact once. Timothy was a beautiful being, he made me feel good about myself- he saw the upsides. I raised my hand to cover the smile emerging on my face.

He pulled my hand away from my face and held it, "don't do that," he spoke softly.

"You're smile is so beautiful, you are so beautiful."