Don't tell me nonsense

The visit

The car came to a halt and out we came, I opened the shaky light Brown gate and closed it behind my mother. We then approached the door, this was usually the part where my mother would knock on the dour and it would be opened by Rachael the witch. The one that destroyed my childhood and made me fixate in my mind that there was no such thing as happy ever after. Also, that life was a mean place, and indeed it is not sunshine and rainbows.

We stood there for a good five minutes. "Esther you knock on the door." She smiled at me, seeing her smile genuinely illuminated my world. I cleared my throat, took a step forward and shakily I raised my hand. Breathe Esther, breathe. I took my own advice and inhaled followed by an exhale. I did it, I grasped the big brass knocker and knocked on the door.

I know it may not seem like much, but to me its a lot. This was a step closer to being the bigger person and slowly, but gradually ridding myself of the burden I call bitterness.

I looked to my mum and she gave me a little applause and I beamed a smile her way that was reciprocated.

Now we were waiting. "Ahh Esther you are so big now, come in." I nodded. "Dami- I mean Katherine, so lovely to see you." Rachael caught herself before my mum could correct her. "hmm." My mum hummed in a disapproving tone. That meant, I wish i could say the same. I chuckled lowly at my mother's behaviour. She entered the house and sat on the sofa and I sat by her side. Rachael tried to start small talk, but my mum wasn't entertaining that, she kept giving blunt replies. Hey, at least she's replying to her. I'd be so hostile, she'd wish time travel were a thing and that we weren't in the same room together. "Anyway where is Matthew, I don't have all day." My mum demanded. "hes upstairs in the room, I can get him for you." She was trying so hard to please my mum and keep her happy. "Please and Thank you." My mum replied with a smile. She went upstairs and came back with the zoo. I didn't like her children, the were so spiteful and rude and that's why they are referred to as animals, by me anyway. "Hi Esther." The oldest one sneered. I just looked at her and then rolled my eyes.

She was 15 and she thought she was all that, she's like omg your dad bought me this and he bought me that hahaha.I bet he loves me more than he does you. Like ok.. and she's always trying me, one day I had to show her cause she was feeling a bit too high and mighty.

She gasped and then looked at me. "is that how you treat your sister."I just looked at her like my who?

"No." I replied. "then why don't you treat your sis with a bit more respect now. "because you ain't my sister, your just someone that people may regard as my sister which is factually incorrect." She sighed. I just looked back into space again.I burnt her with that logic though.

The sperm came into the room after a while and just stood there. Like hello there sperm could you start now. He looked from my mother to me to Deborah. "what's the matter Deborah?" This is the part where I get on trouble because I don't like her. Like I don't have to like her, that's just how I feel. "well your daughter is just being mean." I didn't even try to state my case, I just sat intently. Then he just started shouting at me, I cocked my head back in shock cause he doesn't normally shout at me, plus I actually didn't do anything. "why do you always have to be mean to her, can't you just be civil, this is why I-" he stopped. "This is why you what?" He just looked at me. "This is why you fucking what?!" I stood up now I was overcome with anger. My mum tried to pull me back down by my arm, but I snatched it away from her.

"Speak then your always trying to talk now's your chance." I stared him dead on the eyes and he was rubbing the back of his neck. I started laughing and I analysed everyones face in the room, carefully. You could see the anticipation splattered all over their faces. 'The I don't want to watch but what if..'faces.

"i stepped towards him you were going to say that's why you left, but its okay because you are just the sperm, you're nothing special anyway and that's why I hate you." The poison I spoke splashed on his face like a drop of rain and went skin deep.

"Esther don't say that-" his wife tried to speak, access denied. "Rachael shut up, just shut up okay," I turned back to the sorry excuse of a man. "Oh and don't worry you won't ever see me in your house again I promise you that." As I said this a tear rolled down my cheek and I realised I was hurt more than o thought. I was rejected and it hurt. He reached out to touch me, I just walked out the door without hesitation.