this is how it starts || m.h

2) guest list

What was I doing?

The thought had been circling my brain for the past half hour, and it had only gotten louder as I got closer to the arena. I'd agreed to let Matty put me on the guest list, but that didn't make me feel any less dirty about it. I was just hoping he hadn't told anybody about us.

When I finally reached the arena, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest and I could already feel my makeup sweating down my face. I had half a mind to just turn around and go home, but I couldn't just pass up on a chance like this.

I took a small breath before walking towards the security guard at the entrance, my ID ready in my hand, and I was surprised I didn't break down into nervous tears as I confirmed my name.

Once it had been confirmed that I was on the guest list, I followed another member of security into the arena and each step closer I got to the stage, the more anxious I became. I wasn't sure I could do this. I was worried I would simply crumble when I came face to face with Matty again.

The security guard led me into the middle of the pit on the far right side and then I just waited amongst the crowd, the large curtains concealing the stage sending chills down my spine. I hadn't even seen Matty yet and I was already a wreck.

It was probably another five minutes or so before everything suddenly went dark, a jolt of excitement passing through the audience. I felt like a fish out of water waiting for the band to come onstage.

I waited in silence as one by one, the band entered through the door, turning on the lights as they went. And then I saw Matty, sitting hunched over on the sofa as he prepared to get up and start the show. I watched as he made his way over to the piano, retrieving a cigarette and lighting it, and by God if it wasn't the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

I was never going to survive this show.

───

Once the the final song had been played, I watched in awe as Matty strolled over to the far side of the stage, pulling the breaker and plunging the arena into darkness.

I felt oddly fulfilled as the main lights switched back on, security beginning to usher everyone out of the arena. The 1975 really were 'At Their Very Best'.

When I finally made it outside, I was grateful for the crisp winter air that hit me. It was so fucking hot in there. My hair had been matted to my forehead and my foundation had grown sticky over the last couple of hours. I probably looked like a drowned rat.

"God, I need a cig." I sighed to myself as I slumped back against the wall, retrieving my pack of cigarettes from my bag.

I held the cigarette between my teeth as I searched for my lighter, but before I could find it, I heard a familiar voice beside me. "Need a light, love?"

"Shouldn't you be backstage or something?" I asked, looking up to find Matty smiling at me, his lighter ready in his hand.

"Well I wanted to catch you before you left."

"Why?"

"Wanna know if you enjoyed the show." He simply said, his lighter still waiting in front of me.

I finally leaned forward, signalling that I was going to let him light my cigarette, and then I took a drag before moving to hold it between my fingers. "The show was amazing, thanks for getting me in. And thanks for the light."

"Listen, do you wanna go for a drink or something?" He suddenly asked, the question almost knocking me off balance.

"Matty-"

"Oh, come on." He complained, already sensing what I was about to say. "It's nothing serious. Just mates, yeah?"

I threw my head back, a deep sigh pushing past my lips. "I suppose, but just mates. Nothing else."

He nodded. "Nothing else."