this is how it starts || m.h

5) breakfast

As I sat brushing my fingers through my messy hair in the mirror, I started to become disappointed by the sight of it.

It was ash brown and stopped just before my shoulders, and usually I'd be proud of my hair, but looking at Matty now, I almost wished I could swap my hair for his.

I had never really noticed before, but he really did look ethereal as he remained slouched in the bed, his curls falling perfectly over his forehead, as he stared at his phone.

I quickly pulled my gaze from him as I continued to sort my hair, only really managing to get it looking somewhat decent. I suppose it didn't matter, considering I would only be returning to my shared flat.

"Do you wanna go and get breakfast?" Matty suddenly spoke, startling me a little as I turned around.

"I shouldn't." I said, shaking my head as I stood up to find my shoes.

"Why not?"

"Because I should probably be going home to get cleaned up." I told him, gesturing towards my rather crumpled blazer and white shirt.

"We'll get room service then."

"Matty." I started, a sense of disappointment sinking into my chest. "We can't keep doing this--whatever this is. We barely even know each other for Christ's sake."

He smiled at me then. Fucking smiled. "It's just breakfast, alright? I won't try and lure you into bed again, if that's what you're worried about."

"I can't afford breakfast right now." I excused, a rather pathetic attempt to deter him.

"I can afford it." He smiled. "It's on me, don't worry about it."

"Alright, fine." I sighed, finally giving in. "But if we're having breakfast, I'm at least having a shower first."

"You want company in there?" Matty smirked, waggling his eyebrows at me from where he remained on the bed.

"Very funny. No."

"Alright, suit yourself."

───

What was I doing?

I had asked myself that question countless times over the past couple of days and I was still yet to produce an answer.

This had all started as a drunken mistake, and now I was standing in the shower, my not so one-night stand in the next room.

I knew that it was okay to not have everything figured out at this point in my life, but I don't think that included sleeping with the lead singer of The 1975.

Once I was certain I'd washed away the smell of alcohol and sweat, I stepped out of the shower, wrapping myself in one of the white towels hung on the rail.

I quickly dried off, replacing the towel with my wrinkled clothing, and when I left the bathroom, I found Matty standing by the door, carrying what I assumed was breakfast in his hands.

He still didn't have a shirt on, but at least he'd put his trousers back on before answering the door.

I took a short breath before approaching the small table in the corner of the room, sitting down across from Matty. This was weird, of course it was weird, but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything.

We ate in silence, and every second that went by, the silence became more and more suffocating.

I just had this nagging feeling that something was supposed to be addressed, but what was there to address? We were simply two consenting adults who had had sex a few times, and now we were having breakfast. There shouldn't have been anything wrong with this situation.

"What are we doing?" I blurted out, dropping my knife and fork on my plate.

"Eating breakfast?"

"Yeah, but why? Don't you find it a bit weird?"

"I find you a bit weird." He commented, his lips pulling up into a grin as he watched me from across the table. "I don't know why you're getting so stressed about this. We had fun, didn't we?"

"I just...I have to go back to my shitty flat after this, and what...never see you again? So what am I doing sitting here having breakfast with you?"

He put his own knife and fork down then, hurriedly waving a hand at me as he tried to swallow. "I'm not interested in being your boyfriend or anything, if that's where this conversation's going."

I just laughed at him, waving his assumption off. "Trust me, I don't want you to be my boyfriend. I'm not interested in being in a relationship right now. That shit requires a whole lot of effort that I don't have."

We fell into silence again for a moment, and then Matty finally said something. "I do want to see you again you know."

"As mates?"

He smirked at me, before shovelling a forkful of food in his mouth. "Yeah, of course."