Four letter word

20. Days gone by.

AJ was becoming depressed. Something in her had changed. She didn't know what exactly it was, this new feeling. She hd gone through her old journals to try and figure it out, but it seemed impossible. She just couldn't remember how the old her had felt.

Back then... had she been happy? Happy being alone, in her old world. She had always enjoyed spending time alone - reading books, writing, painting, watching movies. Yes, she lacked social skills and didn't have any friends, but she never felt so horrible. She could enjoy those days and they would go by so quickly, because she kept herself occupied by doing all those fun things, but now she just couldn't stand being alone.

She couldn't focus on books or movies, she had no desire to paint or write and the thought of being alone even for a second with her thoughts terrified her. What had changed? Why did she feel this way? She had no one to talk to or help distract her, there was no way she could help herself. She just kept drowning deeper into her thoughts...

It had been a week since the thing with Lindsey and Riley happened and now AJ was on her way to her least favorite seminar. The professor always called on the students from her least and her worst nightmare was having to speak in front of the whole room. She could only hope that someone else would raise their hand.

She thought about skipping it, but she didn't have enough attendances in that class, so there was no other way. She just had to suck it up.

The whole way there, her heart kept pounding and she tried to fight the urge to just skip and go somewhere else instead.

When she finally got there, the room was mostly empty so she could sit anywhere she wanted. Of course she chose the seats most far away from the professor's desk.

There she waited until the whole room filled up and the professor walked in and greeted everyone. Then the late-comers started arriving.

Riley walked in alone and looked around the room. Her eyes met with AJ's and she immediately smiled and started walking towards her. Once again, AJ wished she had just skipped, even if it meant risking her scores.

Riley dropped her bag on the desk and set down next to AJ.

"Hey, has he started already?" She asked.

"No, he's reading the list still" AJ answered, she was anxious as fuck and just couldn't deal with anyone right now, but how would she explain that to Riley.

"Okay, students, you've already learned the new topic, so I'm gonna call from the list, so we can practice. Let's start from where we stopped last time... let's see..." he looked down at the list.

"Oh, cool, so I won't have to participate today" Riley grinned.

"Oh, fuck" AJ muttered and took a deep breath.

"What's wrong?" Riley asked, frowning.

"He stopped right before me the last time" she explained.

"So? You didn't learn the materials?" Riley shrugged.

"I did, it's just-..." she stopped before she finished. Riley would so make fun if she knew her problem. How pathetic did it sound to not be able to speak in front of a few strangers. No, she couldn't tell her. AJ could barely breathe at this point as she watched the professor glance down on the list. He was about to call her name.

Riley looked at his desk then back at AJ and raised her eyebrows with a small frown.

"Let's see... who do we have..." the professor spoke.

AJ felt like her world was crushing down, she would embarrass herself in front of everyone. No, no, no... why hadn't she just skipped?

Riley let out a small scoff and raised her hand, "hey, prof, I had trouble understanding the topic last time, could I come to the desk?" She asked and AJ looked up at her in surprise. The professor looked up as well.