Four letter word

11. The presentation.

The morning of the presentation AJ was standing by the window, looking at the sun slowly show itself. She had already gotten dressed, at around 4am she had woken up in cold sweat and hadn't been able to sleep afterwards.

She took a deep breath and looked at the time. Lindsey was still sleeping with her face buried in the pillow, her hair all messy and rumbled. It was still too early, but AJ couldn't calm herself. Her thoughts were rushing and she felt like she was gonna explode. She had practiced her presentation for two hours and was still saying her part in her head.

AJ started walking around the room with the notes in her hand, whispering the sentences. But she realized it wasn't working and she was messing up even more often. She put the notes down, feeling frustrated at herself and feeling hopeless and looked at the girl who was sleeping peacefully without a worry in the world.

AJ wondered what it was like to live like that. Live without the constant fight in your head. She started thinking about her past, all the times anxiety had held her back from the things her heart yearned for and a single tear rolled down her eye as a memory resurfaced.

The first time she had a panic attack. It was in front of the whole class back in school. Everyone had been watching. The teacher, the kids. Some looked concerned, others were laughing. The tears grew and wet her face. She let out a small whimper and something inside her pushed her forward to Lindsey's bed.

She stood on top of her, feeling like a total creep, but she couldn't stop crying and there was nowhere else to go. She needed to ask for help. For once just ask for help.

"...Lin?" She whispered through tears, but got no response.

She tried again, "Lindsey...?"

Her cries got louder and she could no longer hold it, "Lindsey, please wake up" she said and sat down on the bed, tapping on the girl's shoulder.

Lindsey woke up and turned to face AJ, "what- what happened?" She asked, sleepily and tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness. Then she heard the crying.

"I can't do it... I can't do it" she cried, shaking her head and trembling.

Lindsey, noticeably worried now, grabbed AJ's arms and pulled her close into a hug, "the presentation? What's wrong?" She asked, holding her tightly as the other girl cried.

"I don't know my part, I keep messing up... I can't do it, Lin" she begged, buried into Lindsey's arms.

"You're not messing up, what are you talking about. You did great on yesterday's practice" she answered, hurriedly.

"That's different. I can't speak in front of the whole room. I'm gonna embarrass myself, I always do" she explained.

"What about the other times? You've had to do presentations before, right?"

"Yes, but I always had to do them alone, so a lot of the times I just didn't do them and settled for a lower grade. And sometimes it wasn't bad... like- like in Mrs. Dane's class the students barely attend so it was easy. But now... I'm with you guys and I'm gonna ruin it. I can't do it... I can't embarrass myself like that again- I can't- I just-"

"Okay, okay" Lindsey cut it, brushing the back of her head with her hand in a desperate hope to calm her down, "I can talk to the professor if you want. I'll just explain the situation, maybe he'll let you do the project alone after class. Will that work?"

AJ calmed down a bit, her cries becoming more quiet. She tried to slow her breath and looked up at Lindsey, who quickly freed her hands to wipe the tears from AJ's eyes with her thumbs.

"You'll do that?" AJ asked in a tiny voice, barely able to speak.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. If it'll help"