Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Jump. Catch, pull, push, recovery. Head low. Soft arms. Strong kicks.
25 meters.
Keep at it. You can do it. Stronger kicks. Keep your breath steady.
50 meters.
Smooth turn. Good. Wait. Wait. Now. Strong kicks underwater. And break through the surface. Strong arms. Get going.
75 meters.
Almost halfway through. Come on, Tori. Why are my arms hurting already?
90 meters.
Why is the wall so far? Come on! Only a little left...
100 meters.
Halfway through! Wait, what? Only half?! I have to do all of this again?! Ok, calm down, Tori. You can do this. It will be over very soon. Just focus on the next 50 meters for a start. Just until you reach the wall again. This is the final turn. You can do it.
125 meters.
See, now another 25 meters have already passed. Everything hurts even more but it's ok. Just keep going! Keep your kick strong!
Almost there, almost there!
10 meters until you reach the wall! Go Tori. Ignore the pain! Ignore the fact that you can't breathe anymore. Ignore the burn in your shoulders and the numb feeling in your fingertips.
150 meters!
You've reached the wall! Turn quickly. You can do it Tori. Come on. Push off! Now kick strongly! Let's go!
Help! It hurts so much! I can't feel my arms! My abdomen are killing me! My legs are slowing down! Why can I not keep my head low?
For God's sake, Astoria Wells! Pull yourself together! You are almost done! The pain will stop soon! Just get over with it already!
Why is this pool so endlessly long?! This can't possibly be a distance of 50 meters, can it now?
30 meters left.
Come on, just a little longer! Why is my body shivering? Why are my eyes slowly watering up? Come on Tori, it's not that bad, is it? It's very bad...
Where am I? I think around 15 meters are left. There is a mark on the bottom of the pool just ahead of me. That should be the last 10 meters. You see, you are almost done, Astoria! It's almost over!
9 meters.
8 meters.
7 meters.
Why is the five meter mark still so far away? I can't even see the wall yet!
6 metres.
I can't! I can't! The wall is almost there! But I can't! I have to get out! The wall is right there! It's very close!
Three.
Two.
One.
Yes! There it is! The yellow plate on the wall that is measuring time automatically! You made it! You made it! You made it!
~~~
Everything hurts! My head is hot and I feel like it will burst any second! I can't really process what is happening around me. Giving in to the overwhelming feelings that hit me, I submerge in the water for a short moment, shortly afterwards resurfacing and only then starting to breath very heavily.
Now for the important thing. My result!
I rapidly direct my gaze the board and look for lane three. Where is it? Where is it?
At the bottom?! I am last from my heat?! And the time?
Frightened to death, I look over to the right side of the board, where all times are indicated.
Seven seconds worse than my personal best?! How did that happen?! I've trained so much! Why did I not improve? Seven seconds is way too much over a distance of 200 meters!
What happens next is very blurry in my memory. I am so lost in thought, that I barely register how the next heat of swimmers jump into the water. I manage to get out of the pool and pick up my stuff behind the starting blocks. On my way to our team's section, I lean against the wall to catch my breath and even sit down for a moment.
My legs hurt a lot. I can't lift my arms! And I have strong pain in my lower abdomen. But I should get moving nevertheless. Jane will want to give me feedback. I wonder what she will say...
~~~
I am at home again. In my room. All alone. My parents both have important meetings and are not home. Jane said I should take some time for myself to calm down and rest. So here I am; lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, and listening to soft, nostalgic music. Tears are silently flowing down my cheeks.
Why did I train so much for nothing? I invested so much time and it did not pay off at all! I could have used this time to study more. I could have caught up on school work. I could have just taken a brief rest.
Why do I train when it doesn't even help me? Why do I go to swim practice when it only drains my energy? I train to prepare for the swim meets but the training doesn't help.
Then what am I training for? Do I even enjoy it? I always feel exhausted after practice, and while it's a good method of working out and staying in shape, it kills my motivation in the evenings. I can never focus on my studies when I come home and I never get my homework done. I just want to lay in bed and take a rest after training.
Does swimming bring me joy?
What a stupid question, of course it does! I get to spend time with amazing people and I experience the wonders of team-spirit. I have the chance to participate in a great sport that connects people from all over the world. It's more than just a hobby. It's my passion. Our passion. It's what connects us all.
But it also brings me pain. With every next meet, I am taking a step further away from my goal, instead of coming closer to it.
Suddenly the music on my phone stops playing and instead a buzzing ringtone fills the air.
I look at the display on my phone: Lyla. What is she calling for? She rarely ever calls. We don't have exams next week so she should not be calling for this reason.
I sigh, sit up in my bed and wipe away the remaining tears on my face. Then I answer her call, trying to put as much confidence and sincerity in my voice as possible.
"Tori..?"
"I'm here, Lyla. How are you? Did something happen?"
"Oh, well. I have something exciting to share about. I just wanted to talk to you about it, if that's ok..."
Beating about the bush again. Very typical for Lyla. I'm assuming she has something to brag about again. But since she is doing it, I decided to avoid being straightforward as well.
"You're being a little vague. I don't really know what this is about but sure, you can talk about anything that's on your mind."
"Thanks for listening. I'm dying to tell someone but Miroslava is offline and I can't talk to the guys about this."
If I'm being honest, I'm not really in the mood for talking to Lyla about whatever this is she wants to tell me but then again it might get me distracted from my own thoughts which is a good thing at the moment. I patiently wait for her to explain.
"So... the thing is... how do I put this... well... ok ok, I'll just tell you!"
Now she's becoming a little too snooty but I decide to ignore it and make her believe that I have no clue.
"It's ok, just say it."
"Ok, so... I think I fancy Lukas!"
What?!
YOU ARE READING
The Smile She Gives You
Teen Fiction"I can't do this anymore", I whisper, a single tear rolling down my cheek. I am looking at the floor and try desperately to keep my voice steady. "I gave my best this term. I really did. I studied more than ever, trained harder, tried my best with f...
